Dear Dr. Love:My husband left me for a month and went to live with his girlfriend. He came back but I live in constant fear that he will leave again. Whenever he comes home late or seems lost in thought I become all afraid that he will leave again. He says that I have nothing to fear and that he came back for good. But I ‘m still afraid. And constantly talk to him about my fears, which I am scared will drive him away. What can I do?
You have a good reason to be scared. He left once, he can leave again.What I don’t hear in your question, is an understanding of what was going on in the relationship. What made him want to leave. Instead of repeatedly telling him that you’re scared, why not openly discuss what is going wrong between the two of you. Why did he want another relationship? What does he feel is missing in your relationship?When a man strays, he is attempting to boost his self-esteem. I suspect that you two have been in conflict for a while. And I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that you have been complaining and criticizing him. All this criticism has probably eroded his confidence, and by reaching out to another woman, he may be attempting to heal his wounded pride.If it is true that you have been hounding him with complaints, it would be good for you to learn a more constructive way of relating to your husband when you are upset. Try being direct about what you need, rather than complaining about what you aren’t getting from him. Lot’s of luck to you.