Hello, I’m a 32 year old man whose never been married. I’ve been going out with a 30 year old woman for a year and a half now. I love her and she seems devoted to me.We recently moved in together. For the first six to eight months of our relationship the sex was great. We would make love 4 or more times a week sometimes for hours at a time. She was very willing and we tried equally to please each other.In the last few months things have changed. We have sex maybe 1-2 times a week and i always have to initiate. Also I feel sometimes she just wants it to be over quickly. She just doesn’t seem as interested anymore. I know I have a strong drive and at first it seemed ours matched well. I try to be laid back but sometimes I get frustrated and maybe push too hard.I don’t think she could be seeing anyone else unless it’s during work hours at her job which i think is very unlikely. We have talked about it but I’m getting more frustrated. Am I expecting too much? I’ve tried romantic evenings etc. but I’m running out of ideas.Thnx
You need to explore why she thinks she wants sex less often than she did before. There are many possible explanations and some may be relationship driven, while others may be due to problems or issues that rest with her alone.Before you start freaking yourself out, assuming that she’s seeing someone at work, you need a lot more information. You need to find out if something isn’t working for her in the relationship. For women, passion goes out to lunch when relationship problems exist. Men, on the other hand, can be on the verge of divorce and still be hot to trot.I explain why men and women are so different in this arena in my book, Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First). The point is, you need to explore what may be going wrong for her in the relationship and work to resolve those issues, if they exist.Let’s assume that she says that the relationship is fine. Then, we need to find out what else can be causing her sex drive to slack off. If her sex drive was greater in the beginning of your relationship, then we need to wonder if the novelty of sex with a new partner has worn off. As a new relationship evolves into a longstanding one, it is quite common for sexual frequency to drop off.If the fact that she has lost the thrill, then you both need to introduce novelty to your sex life. Try fantasy and role playing to spice things up. What if she never had as big a sex drive as you? I know you are thinking, but she used to want sex just as often as I did. In the early days of a relationship, many women find it hard to address the issue of differing levels of desire head on–if I may say.A woman may fear that she will turn a man that she cares for away if she admits to not needing as much sex as he does. So, she may give in to sex more often than she requires it, especially in the beginning. Then, when she feels more comfortable with the relationship, she may feel safer to refuse sex when she isn’t in the mood.If differing desire levels is the root of the problem, then you will need to collaborate with each other in order to find an accommodation that you both can live with. This may include her having sex more than her own drive requires. She may also agree to give you oral or manual pleasure when she isn’t in the mood herself.You may also need to content yourself with ‘self serve’ restaurants from time to time. What if your girlfriend tells you that her desire level truly was greater in the past and that it has dropped off. What if you have ruled out relationship problems, and you have also made sure that your sex life is spicy enough for her, and still her sex motor is stalled?Then, you need to examine individual factors. Is she depressed or stressed out? Is her health all right? Are her hormones out of whack? Many emotional and physical imbalances affect the sex drive, so don’t rule them out.I have outlined what topics you need to address in order to solve the problem. Just study the issue systematically and you will get to the bottom of it.
