Dr. Love,I have been married to the same guy for 20 yrs. We have 3 childrens.I feel as if he doesn’t respect me by his actions! He loves to flirt with other women in my face, he doesn’t care, he more concern how others see him than the way his family does! He helps & defend others before he will me, his wife! He does what he wants (play tennis from sun down to sun up, and the bad part to me is – he learned the game from me- he just takes it too far!)!!With no concerns about what’s best for the family! He set up games, practice but no one knows but him! If an emergency occur I probably couldn’t locate him because he plays comes home and leave again until 4 a.m. in the morning!I am ready to give in the towel! I love and believe family is more important than “anything”! What do you think? He’s got my feeling so mixed up I don’t know what to do!
You are being mistreated and disrespected. What you really need to focus on isn’t him, it’s you. You need to find out why you have tolerated such disrespect for so long.Even if you divorce him, your problems are far from solved. You see, even if you unload this relationship, you are still taking yourself with you wherever you go from here. And, you will find another man to dump all over you, unless you figure out why you allowed your husband to treat you this way.There can be many reasons: feeling like you don’t deserve better; feeling stuck and dependent (like you can’t make it without your partner). Most often a person chooses an abusive partner because she was not treated well as a child.partners who keep us in familiar territory. You would be wise to enter therapy now in order to figure out exactly what part of your formative years (childhood) trained you to choose a person who disses you so badly. When you understand this and grow past the need to be dumped on, decisions will come naturally.Either you will put your foot down with him, and he will shape up because he knows you mean business. Or, you will decide to leave.Don’t force any decisions on yourself until you do the self work that I discussed above. Your own growth will guide you in the direction that is right for you.