I am a pregnant teen and my boyfriend and I are still together. He wants to still be a part of my life and our baby’s, but my parents won’t allow us to have any contact. I am afraid that my relationship with my boyfriend is going to fall apart.Do you have any advice to keep our relationship going strong?
I am very sorry to hear that your parents have banished your boyfriend. What are they afraid of, that he’ll make you pregnant again? I know you want to keep your relationship with your boyfriend. Are you planning to marry him? Do you intend to keep the child and raise it together?It would be good for you to clarify exactly what you intend to do, because this will put you in a stronger position with your parents. I say this because if you plan to stay with your boyfriend, and keep the baby, your parents might be sensitive to the fact that the baby needs a father.If they know that he intends to be responsible to you and the baby, they may feel more willing to let him back in your life. I think that your parents also need to know that even if they forbid you to see him, that you will find a way to see him anyway. They need to know that you would prefer seeing him with their approval instead of sneaking behind their back.I do think that getting your parents approval is still going to be the easiest way for you to continue seeing your boyfriend. So, I think we have to find a way of dissolving their hardnosed position. In order to break through to your parents, put your own agenda aside, at least temporarily.We need to get your parents to talk and voice their concerns. We need to ask them how they feel about your pregnancy. Ask them why they don’t want you to see him. Are they angry at him? Do they feel that he violated you?Tell them that banning him from your life is communicating a great deal of angry feelings. Would they like to talk about those feelings rather than act them out in a way that is hurtful to you?Bottom line, if we can get your parents talking about their feelings, they will be less inclined to translate their feelings into angry behavior–banning him from your life. After they talk about how angry and violated they feel, try to get them to talk about the feelings that are beneath the anger.Are they frightened, hurt, disappointed? Do they feel angry with you for becoming pregant? Are they sad to have lost their little girl?I hope that I have made it clear that the best way to soften your parents is for you to steel yourself, bite your tongue and let them talk out their own feelings. If you can succeed in doing this, they shouldn’t need to express their anger in action, by barring him and punishing you both.If you can’t succeed on your own, go to a good family therapist.Good luck.
