Dear Dr. Love:I am very much in love with another woman. She is my age, a femme and I am butch. We both are very happy. I am the jealous type, but, usually my intuition is so on target.We have come to visit her family. I feel there is something in the past or maybe still between her son-in-law and her. This is a really sick and bad thought, but, she ususally showers at their house when we visit and he is always getting up and looking towards the door, and I just feel the vibration, what do you think I should do.I have confronted her with this and she says I am crazy. Please help me with this. I am not comfortable being caught up in this thought, how can I know for sure? they used to go to grateful dead things together when her daughter stayed home, etc. ?What do you think?
The fact that you think that your suspicion is sick or bad makes me think that you are talking about incest–or the suspicion that incest, or a similarly forbidden act has occurred. Because you are perceptive, you are likely picking up vibes from the son-in-law who is probably attracted to your girlfriend.What concerns me is that you are embellishing on these vibes by creating a scenario that consists of her having had an affair with him in the past. If she says that she didn’t, and you know that your girlfriend isn’t a liar, then you have to believe her word.The next step is to find out why you are so jealous of your girlfriend. The roots of this jealousy were planted in your past, in your childhood to be specific. It would be helpful for you to figure out how and why you developed this jealous bent. You might also see if the jealousy is connected to an incestuous experience in your childhood.Understanding the origin of your jealousy, is the first step toward getting a handle on it.