I am 32 years old and I am currently seeing a very attractive 30 year old female. My problem is snowballing and becoming more and more problematic I am having trouble getting and maintaining erections with my girlfriend.I have no problem masturbating and can do so 5 to 7 times a day. My problem occurs when I try to make love to my girlfriend. I have a very large penis (9) and she is very small, 97lbs. On our first attempt to make love I was very nervous that I would hurt her and as a result I lost my erection. Now I loose or fail to get an erection every time we try to make love.She now feels that I do not find her attractive and the problem has snowballed into a total lack of an erection, a feeling of panic, no self confidence, and a fear that will not be able to get and erection. (which I don’t)My question is how do I get over this feeling of panic and how do I assure my girlfriend that I do find her attractive and desirable? She feels totally rejected and I feel like a failure.This problem is tearing us apart! Signed, Panicked
The panic over not being able to get an erection is sufficient to cause you to not become erect or to lose the erection.When a person becomes stressed, the adrenal glands start pumping and the chemicals that are released are incompatible with sexual arousal. This state of agitation is called the ‘sympathetic mode’and in this mode vessels constrict and blood can’t flow properly to the penis.So, you need to explain to your girlfriend that despite the fact that she is the most attractive partner you could ever have, your body is physiologically incapable of obtaining an erection when you are worried. It’s like trying to raise the dead. Even if a Playboy model were parading nude in front of a corpse, the ‘stiff’wouldn’t get hard. You know what I mean!!!So, first get her to understand the physiological mechanism that ‘s operating. Next, both of you need to take all pressure off your penis. If you get hard fine. If you don’t fine. Once the pressure is off, the sympathetic mode will fade and your body can do what it’s supposed to do once again.Meanwhile, the phase during which your penis is on retirement, touch, kiss, caress, and give each other sensual massages. When you do finally get hard, don’t feel the need to immediately ‘use’the erection. That may start up the worried thoughts again (‘What if I lose it?’)When you start getting erections with her again, allow her to manually or orally stimulate you. After a few of these experiences, you will both start to feel more confident that you can have erections with her. This will relax you and help to ease her feelings of unattractiveness.When you both decide to try intercourse again, realize that you aren’t going to hurt her. If the vagina can stretch to accomodate the passage of a baby, it can certainly tolerate your nine inch penis! And, finally, if you are concerned about giving her discomfort, choose the ‘spoons’ ( side-by-side, with her back resting against your belly) or rear-entry positions, both of which don’t allow as deep penetration.Let me know how my make out.
