My question is this. . I am a 44year old female. I have 7 children, rangeing from 25 to 13is the youngest. . I have been married 3 times. My last husbond was killed in a head on car crash 2years ago. . We were married for 14 years. We had a very open relationship.I spent most of my life raiseing my children. Now that my husbond isnt here anymore have gotten into a habbit of dateing guys my childrens age. . 18 and up. . . I look young and weigh about 114 lbs, I look like I am in my 30s. . . I cant seem to get interested in men my own age anymore. . . frankly there boreing for the most part.. My children think i’m a cool mother for the most part. . My life is a mess to me. . . How can I get myself streightened out? I admit I need help. . . I cant seem to do it alone. . Who can I go to for the help I need?
It sounds like you are upset over not being interested in men your own age. I think you sense that your inability to become interested in men your own age is a symptom of an issue that you aren’t addressing. What could that issue be?You say that since your husband died you haven’t been able to look at men your age. Do you think that there is a link? Is it possible that you are gravitating to young men so that you are less likely to be widowed once again.True, accidents can happen to men of all ages, but you are less likely to lose a husband to ‘natural’causes if he is younger than you. I have to wonder if your hunt for young flesh is the result of the fact that you haven’t worked through the loss of your husband. You may have also not owned how afraid you are to love and to lose again. You said yourself that you had a wonderful relationship with your husband. It must have been awful to lose that.Another thought that comes to mind is that by choosing young men you can avoid becoming committed. If you are too old to marry, then they will move on to other women. If you don’t marry again, you don’t have to risk losing another beloved husband.I am so sorry that you had to lose your husband. My heart goes out to you. I think that if you can work through all your feelings associated with the loss that you may be more willing to connect to someone of your own age.Truth be told, you are confronting a universal fear. To love is to lose. The more you love, the more it hurts to lose that person. You can try to avoid that truth by dating young men who won’t commit to you. While you may protect yourself from the losing, you are also missing out on the loving that you are so capable of.So, you have to decide if you want to live for the present, love all you can, and run the risk of being widowed again. It is a risk. But, hey, who knows, your next husband may outlive you. Then, I’ll be writing this answer to himYou can join a widows support group in order to work the issues through. Let me know how you make out.^^ ^^Woman Who Swallowed Her Anger and Became Numb, Nauseated and Anxious
