Ok to say I love you? I truly believe that I am in love with a woman I have been seeing for about six months now. I am giving her a lot of time and space because she is still trying to resolve a prior platonic relationship with a boyfriend and she is not able to simply break it off completely.So she sees both of us (he does not know about me, though), and very slowly, with baby steps, I know that she is becoming very attracted to me and I will probably win out over the other guy if I just take it real slow and easy and let her set the pace.I do feel that I love her, and I have told her so on occasions, but I hold back from saying it to her more often because I am afraid it could put presure on her. The question is: Is it ok to say I love you when your partner does not say she loves me back? Or is it better to be silent about my feelings and wait for her patiently without pressure?Thank you.
Dear ‘Okay to Say I Love You?’Your instincts are telling you that you need to hold back. You sense that she would feel pressured, and, what’s more, she is telling you, through her lack of verbal recipracation (she doesn’t say, ‘I love you’ in response to your declarations of love) that she isn’t ready to take that love leap.It sounds like you are on a mission: to win this woman away from the other guy. I know that you think that once you have her that your problems will be solved. However, I need to caution you that there is more to this story than meets the eye.This girl is frightened to give herself to love. She is scared to be intimate and terrified to commit. Her attachment to this platonic friend, and her inability to disengage from him sounds like a big smoke screen.In fact, she uses her attachment to this other guy as a distancing tool. As long as he’s in the picture, she has a reason to keep you at arm’s length. But, since he is not and never has been a lover, he actually should not even be an obstacle to your relationship.She is the one who is making this other guy an obstacle. But, the real obstacle is within herself. So, beware. You may help her to come around and choose to date you. But, her fears will live on. The sooner you get her to recognize this fact and begin working on it, the better for both of you.Good luck.
