My boyfriend and I have been together for close to two years. I’m a virgin and he’s not. He has been very patient with me to wait until I was ready. Now I am, and I’ve told him that and nothing has happened. It’s been awhile since I told him.I’ve asked him if there’s something wrong that he’s not telling me but he just gets frustrated and says that there’s nothing wrong.Have I done something wrong that he doesn’t want to tell me? What’s going on?sincerly,confused
I have the sense that your not having been ready for intercourse suited your boyfriend just fine. All along you were thinking that he was making the ultimate sacrifice for you, when, in reality, he may have been very comfortable having no sex. Now, you’re changing the rules and he isn’t making any moves to take you up on your offer.His behavior tells me that the lack of intercourse not only suited him fine, but that he is highly resistant to having intercourse. In a very gentle, non-threatening voice, try to have an honest discussion with him.You might say, ‘I used to think that you were making a sacrifice in waiting to have intercourse until I was ready. But since you haven’t made a move to have intercourse with me even though I’ve told you I’m ready, I’m beginning to think that you aren’t ready to have sex. I will accept your feelings, whatever they are, but we need to talk this through and get a clear picture of what is going on and what is standing in your way.’If you can get him talking about his fears (fear of failure, fear of intimacy, fear of loving and losing) they are on the road to resolving them. We can’t begin to resolve his fears unless he starts talking.By the way, you need to be aware of your tendency to blame yourself. You were quick to assume that his reaction was due to your having done something wrong, rather than assuming that something was awry within himself. Don’t assume that it’s ‘you’ until and unless you are told that this is so.Let me know how you make out.