Dr. Love,I have a problem that I can’t seem to talk to anyone about. I am a 21 year old female who can’t cum. I have been having sex since I was 16, and I have never cum, I did not know that women did that untill my boyfriend got disappointed that I didn’t.He eats me, rubs me, and does every thing to please me. I do have orgasms, but I don’t release fluid. It really bothers him, to the extent that he does not enjoy sex with me.He feels that he works so hard to get me to cum, and when I don’t that he has done all the work for nothing. Is there something wrong with me?
You and your boyfriend are under a serious misconception! First of all, the term ‘cum’ is a slang term that is synonymous with orgasm. It sounds to me as though you and your lover are under the misimpression that to cum means to expel fluid at the time of orgasm. The release of fluid at orgasm, is called a female ejaculation.This type of ejaculation is rare in women, so rare in fact that the few women who experience it are often ashamed and upset. Considering how rare female ejaculation is, it is hard for me to imagine that every one of your partner’s previous lovers experienced female ejaculations.This makes me wonder if your boyfriend is confusing ejaculation with lubrication. All healthy women lubricate (get wet) when they become aroused. However, the amount of lubrication varies from woman to woman; some women naturally produce a good deal of lubrication, while others produced less. What’s more, the amount of lubrication that a woman produces varies according to the time of the month.A woman’s health will also affect her level of lubrication. For example, diabetes causes a woman to produce less lubrication and vaginal infections can cause excessive lubrication. Lubrication also decreases as a woman ages.I think that your boyfriend may be comparing you with previous lovers who produced more natural lubrication. It sounds as though he thinks that because you don’t gush when you have an orgasm that you aren’t turned on. But you are having orgasms, which means that you are excited and that you are responding just fine.The bottom line is that boyfriend is allowing his ego to ride on your level of wetness. If you aren’t wet enough, according to his standards, then he feels like a failure. Then he twists you into a sexual pretzel trying to force you to get wetter in order to bolster his manhood.The underlying issue here is that he doesn’t feel good enough about himself. Instead, he makes you feel defective rather than looking into himself. He should stop checking on you with his ‘lubrication dipstick’ and focus on what sex is all about: giving and receiving pleasure and enjoying being close to each other.