need help I love my girlfriend very dearly and do not want to lose her. She is under the impression that I do not find her attractive. She is wrong because I would not be with her if I did not find her attractive.In addition she has it in her head that she is fat and compares herself to other girls. At times she will do nothing but cry and not speak to me because her being fat stops her. I have not once put her down about her looks or told her that she is overweight. I do everything in my power to cheer her up by sending her flowers and telling her that I love her and that I think she is pretty.She has told me that at one time she had an eating disorder and she is over it. I am concerned that she might relapse. She still seeks therapy for this becasue in her head she sees things differently then how you or I would see things.This puts me in a tough spot because I do not want to lose this girl but at the same time I cannot take her being upset on a nightly basis. I am not sure how I should try and make her feel more secure about herself. I tell her how great she looks everyday.Is their anything that I can do to help her get out of this rut that she has been in for the past few months. I have asked friends and girls that are friends of mine (not girlfriends) what I can or should do. No one seems to have a solution.PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
Your girlfriend thinks she’s fat even though she isn’t . The thought distortion you describe is a symptom of one of two eating disorders: Bulimia Nervosa and/or Anorexia Nervosa. Bulimics and Anorexics share an obsessive concern with body size, fear of weight gain, guilt, poor self-image, and eating in secrecy.Some people can have both anorexia and bulimia and about 50% of anorexics develop bulimia. Bulimia Nervosa is a serious, potentially life-threatening eating disorder characterized by unhealthy methods of getting rid of food to avoid gaining weight (such as vomiting, abusive use of laxatives or water pills, fasting and extreme exercise).Bulimics usually resort to these methods after compulsively eating large amounts of food in a short period of time, a behavior known as binge eating. The syndrome is called ‘binging and purging. ‘ However, some bulimics will engage in purging simply if they eat more food than they feel they should.Anorexia Nervosa is an eating disorder centered around an obsessive fear of weight gain. Anorexia involves self-starvation and excessive weight loss. Although anorexia is a mental disorder, the physical consequences are serious and sometimes life-threatening.The classic form of anorexia (restricting type) involves weight loss through self-starvation and excessive exercise. In another form of anorexia, the individual not only cuts calories, but also behaves similarly to the bulimic: bingeing on foods, and then purging. With the symptoms of both anorexia and bulimia, an individual is considered to have anorexia of the Binge-Eating/Purging type.Some research indicates that higher levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin (a brain chemical) make the individual withdraw socially and have less desire for food. However, the higher level of serotonin may be a result of the Anorexia, rather than a cause.Individuals may have a genetic predisposition for Anorexia. Individuals with Anorexia often have family members with the disorder. The cultural or social environment may cause or reinforce a propensity toward Anorexia. Particular professions (fashion model, horse jockey) and sports (ballet, gymnastics) emphasize thinness and low body weight.Female athletes are particularly prone to being anorexic. Coaches may encourage them to lose weight, and they may notice improved performance with some weight loss. However, the anorexic does not know when to stop losing weight, and, ultimately, hinders performance by not consuming enough calories or nutrients to fuel the body.Some cultures value thinness as a key element of attractiveness, especially for women. Thus, social pressure is a cause of Anorexia. Families that are overprotective or emphasize overachievement or physical fitness often produce anorexic family members.Psychological and emotional causes–Some personality traits are associated with Anorexia: perfectionism, obsessiveness, approval-seeking, low self-esteem, withdrawal, irritability, and black-or-white (all-or-nothing) thinking. Major life events may trigger anorexia: life transitions, emotional upsets, or sexual or physical abuse.Mental health experts think that the feelings of being overwhelmed and powerless in adolescence can bring about a desire to maintain control in some realm of life, such as control of body weight. Being in total control of what enters the mouth can give the adolescent a feeling of powerfulness. Thus, the period of adolescence may cause Anorexia to manifest itself.Relational or early life trauma (sometimes called developmental trauma) affects the brain, which in turn can impact both biology and psychology. Symptoms can include obsessive, compulsive eating disorders like Anorexia. While most women have some degree of fat phobia and image distortion, your girlfriend’s problem runs to the extreme end of the spectrum. No amount of reality checks from you are going to change how she sees herself.I know she says that she used to have an eating disorder and while she may have modified her eating behaviors, the emotional problems that fueled her eating disorder are still unresolved. She would be wise to consider finding another therapist.I also think she should make an appointment with a psychopharmacologist (a psychiatrist who specializes in psychiatric medication) who can evauluate her for medication. She should be evaluated because she is clinically depressed and obsessive about her weight. Depression and obsessive thoughts are linked to disturbed brain chemistry, which can be modified with medication.Interestingly enough, it is now believed that the urge to binge on food is the result of disturbed brain chemistry. Sugary, fatty foods (the foods most people binge on) elevate certain brain chemicals, so that the binger is actually using food to ‘self-medicate’ and temporarily correct a brain chemistry imbalance.Your girlfriend stopped binging, but the chemical imbalance in her brain stills exists, as evidenced by her ongoing depression and obsessiveness. Have her see a psychopharmacologist and get a second opinion from another therapist who specializes in eating disorders.Telling her that you want to be with her but that she needs to get additional help because her problem is driving you away. Let me know what happens.
