My name is Abraham and I am in a bad situation and I need some advice.I am married and I have been messing up my relationship the whole time. 1 and a half years. I am a soldier in the army. I married her and went to Iraq.I have known this woman 10 years but I always keep bringing up the past. I flipped out one night when I was drinking and from my Iraq experiences I blacked out and chocked her.She wanted a temporary separation and I allowed her to. I am going to counseling and am in 2 sessions and I am going to church. I know I need to and I want to from the bottom of my heart I want to change. The problem is she says she needs her space, but I keep calling her and asking her when she is coming back and I feel like I’m pushing her away.What should I do? Should I give up hope? I really do love her and I’m trying.
My heart goes out to you. You have obviously suffered greatly and you’ve been traumatized.I think that you’ve been drinking to excess in order to dull your pain. It’s great that you’re in counseling and going to church. I hope you’re also dealing with the drinking problem.As for what to do with her, I suggest that you stop pressing her to coming back and start trying to understand how she feels. She must be frightened that you’ll lose control and hurt her again.Instead of pressing her to follow your agenda, let go of the rope and just listen and understand her. Tell her that you’ve never given her a chance to tell you how she feels about what happened. Tell her that you imagine she’s scared that it might happen again. Ask her if this is true?If she says yes it is, then ask her if she’d feel safer if she could understand why it happened. Tell her what you’ve learned about yourself. Explain the function the alcohol performed for you and tell her that you’re now facing your feelings not burying them in the booze.Also tell her that you are working through the feelings that you buried surrounding the Iraq experience. Explain to her that the buried feelings came out when your defenses through your excess alcohol consumption.Let her talk, don’t press her, talk about your feelings, and show her how much more aware and in charge you are. I feel confident that she’ll come around.Let me know.
