DR LOVE,I am married for 37 years and am 58 years old. Is it normal to take notice particularly of women wearing high heels? My wife thinks I am wierd but don’t a lot of men like to look at women in high heels?My wife wears 3 inch high heels on occasion and I know it makes her legs look nice. What do you think about this?
Your wife says you’re weird for wanting her to wear high heel pumps. Your problem sounds like a pump power struggle. I also hear your plea for me to endorse your position, so that you can go back to your wife armed with ammunition to support your case–‘see honey, even an expert agrees that it’s normal for a man to like a woman in heels’.If you tell your wife that I endorse you, you may feel vindicated, but in the end this will make matters worse because she will feel sided against; she will then dig in her heels (or her flat shoes!) and your power struggle will become even more entrenched rather than defused.What we need to do is talk to your wife and find out why she is so resistant to being responsive to you. In a good marriage, both partners are responsive to each other’s needs, tastes, and preferences. Your wife should be as responsive to you as she can be, just as you should be as responsive to her as you possibly can be.I can only see two reasons for her reluctance to be responsive. The first is that she is sexually inhibited. I suspect that this may be true in your wife’s case because she calls your interest ‘weird.’ If she is inhibited then she would be uncomfortable to present herself as a sex object.We both know that when a woman wears high heels she is parading her sexuality by showing off an attractive part of her body. If your wife is uncomfortable with her sexuality, she wouldn’t feel comfortable displaying her sexiness with high heels or any means.The other possible reason for her resistance is buried anger. The fact that she refuses to satisfy your wish may mean that she is expressing anger by withholding something that she knows you want–the high heels.Here’s how to solve the problem. The first thing to do is break the power struggle. Stop trying to push her into doing what she resists. The more you push, the more she resists.Next, have a discussion with her in which the aim is to understand her feelings–not to impose your will. If she senses that you’ve taken the pressure off of her, she’ll feel freer to talk openly. If you handle the discussion properly, and get to the bottom of her issue and resolve it, you will end up having your wish come true in the end. We want her to come around naturally and freely, not to feel forced to act with a gun to her head (which will backfire).To open the discussion, ask her if she’s available to talk with you. When she says yes, tell her that you don’t want her to feel pushed into doing what she doesn’t want to do. Tell her that you simply want to better understand her feelings of resistance regarding the high heels.Keep reminding her that the focus of the talk isn’t to push her into anything. You just want to understand her. Start by exploring the first possibility, that she’s inhibited and uncomfortable to parade her sexuality. If this issue seems to be the problem, keep talking about the issue, and find out how it relates to her previous sexual experiences, including her childhood experiences. Just talking it out will do wonders for freeing her.Next explore the possibility that she’s refusing you what you want because she’s angry and knows no other way of venting it. To get her talking about what’s angering her ask her, ‘What am I doing to make you mad? What could I do to be a better husband to you?’Listen, understand, and be responsive. When she feels that you care about her feelings and are responsive to her wishes and needs, you will soon see that she will be willing to give back to you in many ways, including wearing the heels that you like.Let me know what happens.
