My girlfriend of 10 months thinks that I’m using her to escape from my house. I don’t have a bad home life but I have expressed to her how much I don’t like being at home.Latly we’ve been spending alot of time together and when I’m not with her I’m with my friends. Sometimes she will call me there and I will talk to her but most of the time I make it quick. When I do this she feels like shes being put off because I’m with my friends. I don’t know if this is what I am doing to her or not. I love her alot and I tell her this all the time.She lost her father 2 years ago. Could this have anything to do with the way she is feeling??? Please help me.
Let’s start with your girlfriend’s reality. If she feels used, thenyou need to find out what you are doing or saying that is giving herthat feeling.Even if her history is causing a distorted ormagnified reaction to you, there is still something that you are doingthat is hurting her. To find out what this is ask her, ‘What am I doingthat makes you feel used?’I have a feeling that the quick phonecall may be the problem. She may be feeling that you are putting othersahead of her. Remember, women need to feel like they are your numberone interest. Otherwise, they feel rejected, unwanted, second-classedand even used.Perhaps she’s trying to tell you that she thinksyou are only using her for a place to go when you want to escape yourfamily. And when you choose to hang out with friends instead of her,she must figure that you are happier with your friends. When she callsyou, I think she is looking for reassurances that you care about herand want her. When you get off quickly, she feels that she doesn’tcount for you, other than for the home away from home that she offers.Ask her the above question, then truly listen to her answer. She willtell you what you are doing that makes her feel unwanted. Be responsiveto her feelings and you should be able to work this out.