Good afternoon, I am a male college student and 19 years old. I am in a relationship with a woman of the same age and she goes to the same college. We are not having sex, but achieve orgasms through alternate means, such as fingering, rubbing against each other, and oral sex. (Although she is not completely comfortable with blow jobs as yet).This weekend I was visiting her, and everything was great because I hadn’t seen her in a while (due to winter break). In fact, everything was very very hot. She had an orgasm on her living room floor as her parents slept upstairs, but she didn’t reciprocate for fear that her parents might come down.She drove me back to campus from her house, and promised that she would reciprocate because she was staying over for a day. Then that evening, we both had orgasms after having plain fun for 3. 5 hours. In fact, I had as good an orgasm as it could get. But we decided we would continue after having dinner.I was really exhausted, and hadn’t eaten anything for 12 hours. She gave me a massage and put me to sleep, but I woke up to go to my own bed, and remembered we ‘HAD to’ do stuff again.However, that time she had a great orgasm, and she was rubbing me afterwards, and I was enjoying it, but in the middle of it all I suddenly lost the mood, and went flaccid. She was frustrated and my body language implied that she wasn’t good. We slept, but I still hadn’t eaten anything and felt sick and threw up before sleeping.In the morning she tried again, but I didn’t go. In fact, the same thing happened and she ended up crying, losing confidence. I threw up again, and now I am having trouble digesting food and feel a bit sick.Could you kindly help me in understanding this issue. I want to pinpoint the problem, and restore her confidence. She is back in her house and will be back on campus in a week’s time.I feel a bit sick and the idea of sexual pleasure doesn’t feel appealing at all. Maybe it is the digestion problem, or the fact that the evening orgasm took energy out of me, or the fact that we put too much pressure on the odd hours of the night and the next morning.I desperately need your help, to restore her confidence and put this upsetting night behind us, so that things can be the same again. I need something to tell her to make her feel better.Your advice would benefit me immensely as a person!
I think I have an idea of what’s going on. First, I noticed you said you ‘had to do stuff again.’ The feeling that you have to perform for her would naturally arouse angry feelings.Next, you said that you went flaccid. Believe it or not, the body often expresses feelings that we don’t own. In the case of the penis, a good way to express anger is to simply not be able to produce an erection.My suspicion that anger triggered the lack of erection is further supported by the fact that you said that when you went limp your body language implied that it was her fault and that she wasn’t a good lover. Angry body language implies angry feelings!Now you say that sexual pleasure doesn’t feel appealing at all, which sounds like more anger being expressed as revulsion and disinterest. Keep in mind that vomiting can be symptom of the psyche trying to expel an unwanted feeling.In other words, the mind will make you vomit out of yourself that which you don’t want to feel. To find out what you don’t want to feel, ask your unconscious the following question: What feeling can’t you stomach? In other words, what feeling are you trying to rid from your body?It is not uncommon for a person to want to vomit out angry feelings. I suspect that your anger is related to having felt forced to do something for her; you lost your erection, then exhibited anger in your body language by making her feel that she was doing something wrong; and now you don’t want any contact with her, which also sounds angry.If you soul search, you will realize that you probably grew up with parents who bossed you around and made you do all kinds of things. You probably weren’t allowed to directly communicate your anger, so your psyche developed various defense mechanisms against the anger.These mechanisms enable you to release the anger without becoming aware of the feelings. The forms of release are behavioral in nature: when you’re angry, you withhold what the other person wants (in this case, you withheld an erection and now you want to withhold sex); you express the anger through body language; and even by vomiting the feeling out of yourself.The key for you is to learn to become aware of and able to talk about your angry feelings, and not allow them to be expressed through various behaviors that, as you can see, are all very damaging to your relationship.Work on becoming conscious. When you feel withholding or revolted, ask yourself who am I angry with? As you own the feelings and learn to work them through and talk them out all these upsetting symptoms will dissolve.Explaining this to your girlfriend will take the blame off of her, and she won’t be upset any longer.
