I have to wonder why you are assigning yourself the task of being this man’s maid! I have heard the saying, ‘the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.’ Are you trying to win his heart with a vacuum instead of a frying pan?Before you roll up your sleeves and start scrubbing, you better come clean with your intentions. Are you the classic caretaker whose only way of relating to people is by mothering or rescuing them? If this is your case, you have to clean up your own act first and foremost since a relationship based on caretaking never works.Here’s a crash course on caretaking. Caretakers are people who were abandoned as kids and who feel empty inside. Caretakers seem to be selfless but in reality everything they do for others has a string attached. When the caretaker gives, he/she establishes an unspoken pact with the person he/she takes care of.The pact says, in exchange for my efforts, you will give back to me what I secretly desire (love, appreciation, or the same type of care taking in return). Because the people they help out suck them dry but give nothing back in return, the caretaker soon feels even more empty, used, and furious. In short, caretaking never fills the void.Be sure that you are not setting out to care take to this man. To find out, ask yourself what you honestly expect to gain by cleaning up after him. Are you hoping that he’ll love you and want to marry you because you’re a good homemaker. Do you think that the only way to attach a man to you is by making him need you? Can you think of any other outcome that you secretly crave?If you can truly say that you expect nothing in return for charity, then you can say that your act is one of pure generosity. Even if you can say with assurance that you aren’t hankering to clean in order to caretake this guy, you still have to be careful about setting a precedent that will haunt you for the life of the relationship.If you start cleaning for him now, you send the message that you will are willing to assume the domestic tasks and that he doesn’t have to take care of himself. You need to ask yourself why you are so quick to delegate the domestic tasks to yourself. It’s his apartment and if he wants it clean he can do it or hire someone to do it.I assume that you have an outside job just as he does. Who cleans your house or apartment? If you clean both your places, you are telling him that you are willing to assume more domestic responsibilities in the relationship. Is this a role you want to play and if so, why? Are you setting yourself up to feel used and abused? Is playing the role of the victim your style?You also have to consider whether you and this man are too dissimilar in terms of your cleanliness values. You say his place is dirty because he works, but this may be your interpretation of the facts. You work and keep your place clean, so it may be that this guy just doesn’t like living in a tidy space.You need to find out if his place is as clean as he likes it to be. If you go into action and clean up after him, you lose all kinds of opportunity to discuss his values and find out whether you would be right for each other. Cleaning up after him skirts the discussion.In the end, the best approach is to have a frank discussion. You could say that you want to get to know him better and to see how similar you two are. You could ask him if he places a high value on a tidy house or whether that isn’t important to him.By asking an open ended, nonjudgmental question, you won’t hurt or embarrass him. You just want to get to know the guy better. If he says he likes it clean, then you breathe a sigh of relief that you are similar in this area.I still wouldn’t jump to his rescue so fast. Caretakers are always rushing in to help before they are even asked. That’s like shoving food in someone’s throat when he hasn’t even said he’s hungry!The moral of my answer is: let the cleaner beware (and the caretaker as well).