Dear Dr. Love,I am 26yrs old. I am a very nice person. I just can’t find Mr. Right. What can I do. I treat them like gold. I think I have a sticker on my forehead that says ‘treat her like garbage, she ‘ll put up with it’ I really want to find Mr. Right. I am sick of dating people to find Mr. Right. Maybe I should just give up and let him find me?? Thank you for taking time to read this.
It is painful to keep fishing for Mr. Right and turning up duds. You said, ‘I treat men like gold, they treat me like garbage because they know I’ll take it.’ Before you can turn up a good man, you need to figure out why this pattern is occurring.Many women have been raised by mothers who were doormats. If your role model allowed herself to be swept under the rug, then you learned that this is what women are supposed to do. In which case, you don’t need to say a word. Squashers will be drawn to you, because they read your unconscious willingness to turn the other cheek.So, after you find out where the pattern originated, next, make a big effort to observe yourself every time you allow someone to walk on you. Don’t try to force yourself to stop the pattern, you aren’t ready just yet. Simply observe yourself whenever you are being walked on and say to yourself. There I go again. Letting someone dump on me. Then, ask yourself, ‘who am I acting like.’ If it’s mom, say to yourself. Hi mom, I ‘m acting like you again. After observing this pattern over a period of time, it will resolve on it’s own. Believe me, I have used this technique with thousands of women. It works.In answer to your question, should you wait and let Mr. Right find you. Waiting will not solve the problem we discussed above. Unless you work out this doormat issue, squashers will always find you.So, I think it would be good for you to take a dating break and work this issue out. Then, when it’s resolved, you can start dating again. And, when you do, you will draw a different type of man into your life. In the meanwhile, it would be a good idea for you to join a psychotherapy group. There, you will have plently of ‘safe ‘opportunities to confront the doormat issue as it arises in the group setting. This will help speed your healing and move you closer to Mr. Right. Best of luck. Keep in touch with me and let me know how you make out.