So there is this guy I really like, but I can’t tell for sure how he feels about me.
For example, he said I can be his tour guide when he goes to another city I’ve been to. He touched my face tenderly once. He has gently rubbed the top of my hand, touched my knee with his hand, touched my feet with his feet, sat really quite close to me across from me, started saying goodbye with hugs, told me he’d be going to the gym after work (he volunteered this), gave me compliments, emphasized things we have in common (for example, I said I used to like running and he volunteered he runs every day).
Another time he randomly said I should go to the gym alone. He mentioned a beach nearby where people go for “a quick getaway.” He also told me I’m a nice person and he enjoys my company and that I always look nice. Et cetera.
BUT he is also a bit moody sometimes and will occasionally forget things I told him before. Also, although he flirts, it can be a bit inconsistent (hot and cold) and it just seems like he only hints or flirts but he doesn’t ever truly escalate things.
For example, the tour guide comment. I said “sure, just let me know!” Then I later brought it up and told him I could help him plan his trip (hint, hint) but nothing more came from it. Another time he said he’d be going to the gym after work but not WHICH gym, nor did he suggest that we could work out together or run together. Also, our hugs are only about 3 seconds long and he hugs me over my arms/shoulders with his hands on the middle of my back.
It’s hard to know for sure what his intentions are! Are these hugs friendly or supportive, or flirty/romantic? Is he telling me about the gym and our common interest in jogging because he’s excited to have things in common with me or just to make pleasant conversation? Why did he make the tour guide comment but not follow through on suggesting a lunch date to discuss?? Did he mention the beach getaway spot because I’m new in town, or because he was hinting something?
It’s more complicated because he is my medical doctor. I know this sounds crazy, but everything I said happened above is true.
Since I know him professionally it’s a bit harder to flirt or ask him out. I only see him every 3-12 months or so because that’s when I come to his office. I have no way to contact during the periods I don’t see him. The last time I saw him his office had actually called me in for an appointment that didn’t seem entirely necessary, but he wasn’t as friendly as usual that day.
What do you think of his behavior? Do you think he’s genuinely interested in me or could he just be a flirty person? Does this sound like unusual behavior for a doctor? What should I say to indicate my interest?
I am VERY shy! It is hard for me to really make an overture towards him, although I have tried, tentatively. I don’t know if I should “play it cool” to test how he REALLY feels about me (like “The Rules” says), or if I should give him more indication of my interest (which is really hard for me to do)?
May I please get your genuine advice as to what you think he is intentions towards me are. I know his being my doctor is problematic but if he’s willing to work around it, I am.
I understand that you are very shy.
There is no doubt that he is attracted to you, but he also seems to be conflicted about how to proceed.
I often speak about Green Lights, which are the verbal and nonverbal cues that women send to men to let them know that the coast is clear for them to come closer.
Just because he’s a doctor doesn’t mean that he isn’t afraid of being rejected! If you want this man, then you are going to have to give him a clearer message that you are interested.
You could use some humor and say something like: Do I have to develop a terminal illness to see you more often? Or something similarly flirty to let him know you like him.
This is doable!
Bottom line: Women have to give Green Lights in order for men to know they’re cleared for take off!
