I am very much in love with my girlfriend but lately we have been having a lot of ups and downs.We’ve been together for over a year and a half and we were going to get married at the end of this year. We had a big arguement last week and I told her that I didn’t like that she was always telling me what to do and that if I didn’t do what she told me to, she would get mad. Then I said that things were always either her way or no way.Well that really set her off. Then she said quite a few mean things to me. These things really hurt. Anyway, this is the worst fight we’ve ever had. She won’t talk with me and she blocked my number from calling her. It’s been over a week and still no progress.She is very cold to me and overly ‘strictly business’ with me. We do work together too and that also adds to the frustration.I am so much in love with her and she knows it. She also knows that the way she is treating me is killing me. I am hurting so much. She has been mean to me quite a few other times too and can be very emotionally abusive.Lately she says that I am just like her ex husband and that I say the same things he said when they were having tough times. She now says that all men are the same and she doesn’t want anything to do with them.This relationship has been the best relationship I have ever been in and I have really felt loved, however, this has also been the worst relationship I have ever been in too. She can be quite mean and hurtful. I know she loved me very much and her kids loved me too.Now I am just tossed aside and cannot call her or go see her. She gets very angry the more I try to talk with her and straighten this out so we can move on. I love her so very much.What can I do to get us past this bad time and get us back together?Please help. I don’t want to be without her.
I hear that you love your girlfriend and want her back. Getting her back will cost you a high price. The price includes accepting her ‘My way or the highway attitude,’ as well as her need to control and command you into obeying her.You also need to accept that she will never take responsibility for how she is experienced by you, which means that she will always become defensive and enraged whenever you call her on her behavior.And, last but not least, you will need to accept that when she becomes enraged that she will go into action by punishing you and freezing you out.It’s a heck of a lot for you to have to accept, but from the sound of your letter, this is what you want. In order to get her back you need to know that her ego is so fragile that she cannot be wrong. So you will need to put your tail between your legs, kiss her butt and take all the blame for the fight. If you are willing to do this, you will probably get her back.Realize that I don’t advocate this plan. In fact, if I were your therpist, I would ask you why you want to hang on to someone who treats you so miserably. If I had to guess I would say that you are replaying an earlier relationship with a parent who always needed to be right and have you be wrong.Before you are so quick to jump back in the ring with her, you would be wise to figure out why you need to place yourself in such an unhealthy position. I hope you have the courage to look inside yourself.To ingratiate yourself to her and win her back is easy. To look into your soul and find out what you gain by holding on to this type of partner is the hard part.