I have read through your many archives and they’re great. It answers a lot of questions that I have and many of them seem to relate to childhood experiences. I think this may apply to her.Now, what is the best way of getting her to visit your website and read many of these letters? I think that it will do wonders for her, and will help her understand a lot of what she is feeling. It wouldn’t seem right for me to tell her myself because she would be in denial and would think that I am a moron. Your column would really save her. And she’s just a wonderful girl who I would like to spend the rest of my life with. Should I tell her about your site myself, or get someone else to, or send an anonymous letter???2. I would like to hear how things work out with many of your writers. You give great advice and I would like to see how things work out to show me that there is still hope.Thanks, and I hope you respond.
Thanks so much for your kind words about my Archived articles. Ask Dr Love is the only site in the world with a searchable advice database. I installed this feature so that people all over the world, who have no access to therapy, could receive help. So, thanks for your feedback. I am gratified to know that my Archives are accomplishing what I set out to do.In answer to your question, how can you get your girl–who is in denial– to read through my Archives.First of all we need to understand that her denial is designed to protect her from feelings that are too painful for her face. So, we don’t want to rip her denial away from her. And, for this reason, I think you know that you must make the suggestion in a very gentle way. She mustn’t feel the finger being pointed at her. (You’re nuts, read the Archives.) If she feels challenged or threatened, her defenses will mount even higher.So, the only way that I can think of to get her to the site is to place the focus off of her and direct it onto to you. By speaking about yourself, she won’t feel personally attacked.To do this you might say,’I found a site that has helped me learn a lot about myself. I’d love for you to check it out and tell me what you thnk.’ Asking for her opinion will build her up, not tear her down.You could also try placing the focus on the couple instead of her own ego. In this case you could say,’I found a site that I think can improve our relationship. Would you be interested in checking it out with me?’ In this case, the focus in on’we’ and working as a team.You might also try a general question, in which case you ask permission before giving her the address. You could say,’If I found something that I think would help you out (or make you feel better, or solve this or that problem I know you’ve been struggling with) would you like to know?’ In this case, you aren’t barging in with unsolicited advice or guidance, you are waiting for permission, which is another way of protecting her ego.Good luck. And, let me know which one works for her.
