I am a 36 year old male. I got in a car wreck 3 years ago that left me paralyzed from chest down with full use of my hand.My wife doesn’t talk much.I feel as if I will lose her one day.She is 30 years old and works with alot of men.We have a 6 year old girl.If I lose her it will be my own fault.I don’t acuse her of men but I let my worries know.I am able to have sex any time I want.I can’t have an orgasm but do at anytime I want get erection.She says she is happy with our sex.What should I do to quit worrying? Please answer I don’t have alot of money.
You say that you feel you will lose your wife one day, but you don’t say why. Do you feel defective due to your paralysis? Do you think that she will trade you in for a man that isn’t paralyzed? Since your daughter is 6 and you were injured 3 years ago, I assume you were with your wife for 3 years before you became paralyzed. Did you have the thoughts that she would leave you before the accident?What I’m trying to figure out is whether your fear of being dumped is coming from a diminished sense of self, following your injury, or whether you worried in this way before.Let’s assume that your fears and doubts emerged after the accident. It is not uncommon for a person to feel diminished when he is sick or injured. When a person feels diminished, all kinds of self-doubting thoughts emerge–such as my wife will leave me one day. Does your wife say or do anything that would indicate that she doesn’t want you anymore? Or are you simply projecting–inserting your thoughts in her head.Before we go farther, you need to find out where your feelings are coming from–you or her.Ask your wife if she is happy with you and encourage her to be truthful. Ask her if anything is missing for her in the relationship. Get her to talk.If she is cool, then we need to work on you.Once you insure that she is happy and that these thoughts are yours, then find out why you would want her to leave you. I know you may be thinking that this is nuts, you don’t want her to go, you are simply afraid that she will leave.To the unconscious mind, the things we fear most are often the things that we secretly wish. So, for a moment, ask yourself what part of you feels that you would like her to go. Are you mad at her for her silence? Are you feeling that you deserve to be punished for your disability. Many people blame themselves when they get hurt, are you? Another possibility. Maybe you are filled with rage that you are disabled and the rage is being turned back on yourself in the form of self-destructive thoughts–my wife will leave me one day.I have a strong sense that when you follow the trail of your anger, you will understand more about why you are thinking that you will be left by her. In other words, I have a feeling that you are angry and that your mind is playing tricks by turning the rage back on yourself in the form of this self-destructive fantasy–I will be left one day.So talk to your wife. Clarify where she is coming from and track your own anger. Once you find what you are mad about, the anger won’t need to resurface as a self-punishing fear.
