I am just ending a four month relationship with this 19yr old. I am 26 and believe in the traditional romantic courtship. In the begining I felt as though she was impressed by my interest in her. She is attending college while I am living a more stable and secure lifestyle. I began spending a lot of time with her family and grew to love her. Later after professing my love to her I realized that she just wanted to have fun and have a casual relationship, being able to enjoy the company of other men. I on the other hand felt betrayed and if I was to do the same I would be cheating on her.After many attempts at reconciling our differences, we stayed good friends occationaly seeing each other. I know that she is also seing other men. She enjoys being with different guys and having the attention. I on the other hand am having a difficult time seeing other women because of the strong feelings I still have for her. It also seems that when I don’t hear from her I feel beter and seem to start to mend my woun ds. But she allways calls me to find out if I am seeing anyone or to go out and this prevents me from healing. When this happens I begin to feel that she may have realized her mistakes in breaking up with me only to find her talking to me about her interests in other so called boyfriends. Should I just let her go as everyone has been telling me and not look back? In a sence I also feel that romance is dead and that traditional courtship is long gone is this a correct assumption?
My heart really goes out to you. You are a special man who is capable of deep love and devotion. And, this woman you have fallen for is a torturer. In fact, she is seducing you with her repeated calls, then abandoning you with her news about other men. I understand that hope springs eternal in your heart (this time she will realize her mistake in breaking up) which is why you continue to have contact with her and still accept her calls.But, what you don’t realize is that this girl doesn’t have your agenda. You are saving your heart for someone that isn’t capable or ready for commitment. What’s worse, this girl is sadistic. She knows that you want more than a casual friendship. She has to know that it tortures you to hear about her other male’friends. ‘ So, why is she calling at all? She is totally inconsiderate of your feelings. I am absolutely furious with this woman for dangling you on a string.The problem here is this: Your dream that she will change is preventing you from setting proper limits for yourself (by not allowing her to call and destroy your healing process). If you can accept the fact that she is a dead-end, you will be able to take hold of the reins and stop giving her access to your heart. If I were you, I would tell her that you don’t want her to call until she feels ready to make a commitment to you. And, until and unless she is, you don’t want calls.By setting this limit, you strip her of her power to torture you and you protect yourself from unwanted and painful invasions. At the same time, you are still respecting the dream in your heart (that she will come around) since you have told her that she can call if she changes her position.By the way, I can’t help but notice that you are very attached to someone who treats you quite badly. Do you have any idea why this type of person is so appealing to you? When you figure out the answer to this question, you will be helping your healing process along. My best wishes to you. I want you to find a modern day princess who loves and cherishes with all her heart the prince of a man that you are.
