Dear Dr. Turndorf,I need your advice on father-son relationships. I am a 31 year old male. Ever since I was young, I did not have a good relationship with my father. He used to verbally and physically abuse me, my mother and my siblings.My mother, and my siblings (all elder to me), have made their peace with him. I left home when I was 23, and for the past seven years, have not seen him or talked to him.At this point in life, I am comfortable with the knowledge that I have made a decent life for myself without his help, and all my anger at him has slowly settled down to the point that I no longer feel hatred towards him, and can let bygones be bygones. I guess time really heals all wounds.Last month, my father wrote me, saying that I should forget the past and come visit him. Though I no longer feel the frustration or anger towards him, I still cannot bring myself to visit him, because I feel that I have left my past behind, and that includes him.I reason that since I did not get any fatherly love from him in the first place, I can’t lose anything more by not visiting him. Since I could make do without his affection for so long, I can as well go on for ever without needing him in any way. Am I right in my decision not to visit him even though he has written to me to forget the past and visit him ?Also, I have read in many books that we should forgive, not for others sake, but for ourselves. How does one go about forgiving ? To what extent should our actions go ?For example, how should I now show any love towards my father when I don’t feel it ? I hope you will find time to take up this question. Thank you for your help and advice