I am a 45-year-old white male who is handicap, [my dad told me that the doctors do not know what type of handicap it is, I lost oxygen after I was born — my IQ is 75% & I am boarder line retarded.Dad says I have a mind of a 10-year-old kid. ] I am dating this 30-year-old part black [her skin looks mainly tan like she is from Hawaii or from the beach] woman my dad does not want me to date her & he says it is not because of her skin color.I do love her very much & been dating since May 1st, 2000 — but dad wants me to break it off, so I did like I was told. I did not like it so I went back with her.One day my heart told me to go to the store & buy her an engagement ring + his & hers wedding bands, I surprised her with them. Then 1 day at this pizza place in this mall I askedher to marry me & she said ‘Yes’then we had lunch then left.[Mean while dad & his new wife — my mother died on 8/26/97 — were overseas. ] The next day I got E-MAIL from dad saying ‘It is ok to marry — just be careful. ‘so I was happy & she was too, then the next day dad called & I thanked him.He then said ‘I DID NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED!’then I went to work.The next day my new stepsister came over to meet her & we 3 had lunch, then she took the E-MAIL with her overseas to show dad. They both talked & she told me that it did not work. So then my sister called & told me to take the rings back, [I was so happy that I told her I got the rings, that I e-mailed her. ] or she was going to have dad come home early to deal with me. I told her I would & I did not take the rings back but told my girlfriend, my girlfriend got upset. So dad & his wife came home & called me, he asked me if anyone was in my apartment & I told him my girlfriend was. He told me to get rid of her or he was going to come over & get rid of her, [Ask her to leave. ] so I sent dad e-mail with a file in it that told him how I felt & that I was happy!Dad got madder & sent me an e-mail back saying, ‘I TOOK ALL YOUR MONEY OUT OF YOUR ACCOUNT, DO NOT WRITE ANY CHECKS OR THEY WILL BOUNCE!’then he sent another one saying he is still payee over my money. Dad told me a few weeks ago that he can make it so I can’t do anything with out checking with him, I do not know if this is true or not.But if we both love each other & are happy shouldn’t we be together? Dad did say that what he did was the consequences of my actions. (It seems that consequences are bad things that happen. ) It seems that because of a mistake which is no ones fault, I end up paying for it!So my question is this; Is there anything I can do legally so to keep this woman that I love + keep things good with in the family?do not know if dad can stop me from getting SSI or not, I work part time from 11:30 — 1:30 in an elementary school as a recess aid. I also want to point out that dad does not want me to tell people my family business, but how do I get advice if I do not ask?Dad says that he is older & knows that I women use me for my money, he told me she is after my money & when it is gone she is gone.Why are there people like that in the world? Also I would like to know why society looks down on handicap people? I see other handicap people getting married so why not me? The people who get married have councilors to help them & dad told me that the councilors told him they couldn’t help me.Dad took my answering machine away & changed my telephone number so she will not call me, he is also finding out about a place for me to move too.want to try to make things better for my girlfriend & I + both our families, but why are they not wanting us to be happy? Why must we lose out for something that was not our fault? This could be some reasons handicap people are always down & depressed a lot!ear Father in heaven, please tell me what to do, I know dad is looking out for my best interest & does not want to see me get hurt or have no money. If you do not want me to have a relationship or get married then give me a sign. I love this woman & am tired of hurting her, I also do not want to hurt my earthly father or family & I know she does not either.f things end up were I have no family then make a way for me to get money. Through your son Jesus Christ Amen
I am very upset to hear what you are being put through. Your father is behaving as though you are a complete mental incompetent, which clearly you are not. Your letter was logical and beyond the type of letter that a ten year old couldn’t write!I know that your father is afraid that you will be ‘taken’ by any woman that you marry. In his twisted way, he thinks that he is protecting you. The problem is that his form of protection consists of crushing the life right out of you. Your father acts like a dictator who isn’t willing to consider any other position but his own.How come your father can’t arrange to protect your assets in the event that you get divorced? Many wealthy people sign prenuptial agreements in which protects the wealthy partner’s assets in the event of a divorce. The problem here is that you have been under his thumb for so long that you are completely dependent on him and helpless when it comes to standing on your own two feet.You buckle under his threats and you don’t know what your rights are. You need to find a good therapist who can help you find a way sticking to your guns and not allowing yourself to be crushed by your father. Your father may not approve of your talking about your business. But as much as he doesn’t approve, he can’t stop you from talking to a therapist.When you talk to the therapist, she or he can ask your father to come to sessions with you. In the sessions, you can talk about how your father ‘s concerns for protecting his and your money can be combined with your own need to grow up and get married. There are all kinds of legal ways to protect your money, and your father knows that. This is why I don’t buy it that money is his real concern.Your father isn’t stupid, and he surely knows that there are ways to protect a person’s assets, even after marriage. So, I have to wonder why else your father needs to rule you. Is he a person who needs to feel in control? Is he getting some kind of emotional reward out of your staying helpless and dependent on him? Does he feel important and necessary? All these questions need to be put to him when he is in therapy with you.If your father refuses to come to therapy, you must still keep working on yourself. You need to find the courage to become more independent, despite his threats and bullying tactics. There are ways for you to take charge of your money, or to have someone other than your father appointed to oversee your money, in the event that you truly can’t do this for yourself. Your therapist can help you find the right kind of legal help.In answer to your other questions. Whenever a person feels helpless, he or she becomes depressed. The challenge for a handicapped person is to feel in charge of his/her life, despite whatever disabilities exist. Take action and start looking into how you can help yourself, and you will find that you don’t feel so depressed any longer.And, no, your father can’t stop you from receiving disability benefits (SSI). To find a good therapist, you can call your local mental health department. Say that you want a therapist who is also an advocate. Let me know how you make out.
