I am a 36 year old male and my wife is 34. We’ve been married almost 10 years and this problem started approximately 2 years after we were first married.It seems that while I’m sleeping I try to fondle my wife’s breasts and genitals and have actually tried to initiate intercourse all while I’m in a deep state of sleep. According to my wife this is almost a nightly occurrence and it doesn’t matter if we have had sex before going to sleep or how often we have sex this still keeps occurring.It has gotten so bad that my wife no longer wants to sleep in the same bed with me at night. She only recently brought to my attention how bad this is. In the past she had mentioned that I may have squeezed her breast or she woke up to me rubbing her genitals through her underwear while I’m sound asleep but she felt that since I was sleeping there wasn’t much sense talking about it.Now that she has brought to my attention how bad this really is I’d like to know what I can do about it and why you think it might be happening in the first place?Before I was with my wife I was in other relationships and no one ever mentioned anything like this to me. We also can’t think of anything that would have been a dramatic change in our relationship around the time this started.I do have a very strong sex drive, especially so since my wife and I have been together, but we have a satisfying sex life and for the life of me I can’t understand what would cause me to do this to her. She even tried for almost a month straight having sex with me every night before going to sleep and still this persisted.As you can imagine she is very frustrated with this too. I don’t remember my dreams (never have been one to remember dreams ever) so I can’t say if I’m having sexual dreams or not? I feel terribly about this, especially now knowing how long my wife has put up with it. What can I do to remedy this situation?I really miss sharing a bed with the lady I love.Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I have the impression that your wife feels violated by your behavior during sleep. It is clear that you are sensitive to your wife’s feelings during your waking life, which is wonderful. Your behavior during sleep is involuntary, meaning that it is beyond your control.Does your wife understand that your behavior is involuntary?I think she would be less offended if she understood this. Of course, the behavior is disruptive to her sleep, but, I think that she would be far less distressed if she understood that you have no control over what you are doing.She also needs to know that during sleep, the mind’s repressive functions are largely inoperative. This means that the controls that the mind exerts during waking hours are not present during sleep.In the absence of repression, I can understand how you, a highly sexual man, could become very handy. On a related note. If someone is filled with anger, it is not uncommon for that person to shout and scream during sleep.Once again, when repression is lifted during sleep, the angry feelings float to the surface. The fact that you are so sexual during your sleep simply means that when repression is lifted your true feelings surface. The fact that this behavior only began since you’ve been married tells me that your sexuality has really been ignited by her.That’s a testimony to how attracted you are to her. So, encourage her to look at this from a new angle. Instead of feeling so violated, she could also feel complimented.Meanwhile, let’s see what we can do to help you keep your hands to yourself while your sleeping. I think that you might try some hypnosis, in which you program your unconscious mind to make sure that behave during sleep.Since the unconscious mind is in the forefront during sleep, and since hypnosis acts directly on the unconscious, this would be your best bet. You also might want to examine whether your unconscious mind is trying to act out, during sleep, behaviors that you don’t feel free enough to enact when you are awake.I know you say that you have a good sex life, but I just want to make sure that you aren’t frustrated sexually. Do you feel free to perform the sex acts that you desire while you are awake? Are you having sex often enough for you?Some young men need sex more than once a day. In a certain sense, you remind me of a sleep walker. A person who walks in his sleep is often trying to enact feelings or impulses that he/she represses during waking hours.So explore that possibility, try hypnosis and let me know how you make out.
