Dr. Love, I was dating a women for about 15 months. She broke up with me recently because of my infidelity. The last few months I really gave her some room and I thought she had found it in her heart to forgive me.Six weeks ago she started a argument with me in a bar and she got completely out of hand and irrational. Accusing me of things that were absolutley untrue. After this incident, she did not believe she could see me anymore because of her loss in trust in me.I love her very much and miss her terribly. She has only called once and that was to remind me not to call her or her friends. I could tell toward the end of the message it was difficult for her and she closed by saying ‘talk to you later’.She has not called or made contact with me since. I am lonely and confused. She still emails my family occasionally, is this a signal or is she just having difficulty letting go. I miss her.
You need to do two things: ask her how you should interpret her making contact with your family. Does she have mixed feelings? Does a part of her want to try again?And second: You need to see that the boat has been completely missed here. Giving her room, time and space to forgive you isn’t the point. Time will not heal this wound.Only you can by both owning your mistake and telling and showing her that you are making a serious effort to understand why you cheated on her (what was going on inside you? what was not working in the relationship?) and that you are actively working on not acting out sexually ever again.I am not saying that you are promising to never look at another woman or feel attraction to someone else. These feelings are normal and can’t be stopped. But you can grow to the point that you learn to control your behavior and remain faithful.If you are willing to do this soul searching and self-work, and you succeed in convincing her that you are serious about changing yourself, then you might be fortunate enough to get her back.Apologies and time to forget will not cut it. You need to grow and change. I think you have the strength of character to do this work.Let me know how you make out.