Dear Dr. L.I feel as though I have a problem. I’m a 23 year old male, in love with a woman who is 30. Age to me does not matter, nor does it to her.However, my problem relates to sex. It is almost impossible for her to get ‘off’ before I do. I was wondering how I can actually keep my erection longer so that she can?I’ve asked friends, and they keep telling me to change positions, most of the time that doesn’t even work. I’d rather not take any medication to keep it ‘up’ because then I might have a problem when I’m at work <grin.I’ve tried other things, like pleasure rings and other things, but I’m always out done by a vibrating machine.
Yours is a mechanical question: How can you stay hard through to the finish line–hers. In order to achieve your goal, you will need to try various techniques. Some consist of training yourself to wait longer and others consist of arousing her more fully before you begin intercourse, and/or stimulating her clitoris during intercourse, so as to improve the chances that climaxes before you do.Let’s start with you. To learn to prolong your erections search my Advice Archives, in which I thorough explain the Stop-Start and the Squeeze techniques. The Stop-Start technique consists of masturbating until you feel close to orgasm (not to the point of no return). When you reach this point, stop all stimulation until your excitement settles down. Then, begin stimulation again. Repeat the cycle until you can’t take it any longer. With practice, you will learn to delay more and more.The second technique consists of masturbating until you feel close to orgasm, only this time you will squeeze just below the head of the penis, which also serves to settle your excitement down. Then, when you are under control, start stimulation again, repeating the above cycle until you can’t wait any longer. With practice, this technique will also help you to delay your own orgasm.Try both techniques and see which one works best for you.Now, as for your girlfriend. The two ways to improve her chances of obtaining an orgasm in intercourse are: first, increase the foreplay so that she is close to orgasm before you begin intercourse. The second method consists of stimulating her clitoris during intercourse in order to heighten her arousal and improve the chances that she will achieve orgasm, or help her achieve orgasm more quickly. Remember that 50% of all women never achieve orgasms during intercourse. So, that when all is said and done, if you guys don’t make her get off during intercourse, that’s all right too. Good luck.