Dr. Love,Boy do i have problems. I am pretty sure they are male-female communication problems but even knowing that is not helping.Several months we made a decision we both regret, not to have a baby. We are in a monogamus relationship. We both have been married before, her children live with us.After that decision the relationship has gotten more stained for many reasons. Stress, the fact that i was not there for her (in my defense I really did not understand the magnitude such a decision is for a women). Lately it has been almost unbearable living together. She comes home most nights in a bad mood, and is very accusatory. I don’t seem to understand how little things such as a couch not being straightened properly, a wash cloth not rung out or remembering everything can affect. I feel as if I am being attacked on a daily basis, that she concentrates on the details. I respond by getting defensive, trying to explain that it is no big deal to me even though I understand it is for her. I try to compensate by doing more around the house and in our lives to give her room to relax.I also attack, and tell her how very tired I am about being bitched at by all the little stuff. I cook dinners daily, cleanup the kitchen, do laundry, fold it, pickup and drop off kids all so she will have less on her plate so hopefully we will have more time for us. But it seems the more I do the less happy she is. She is very unaffectionate, something I knew going into the relationship but has gotten worse with time.On her hand she has a very stressful job dealing with domestic violence, and really doesnt leave it at work, she often talks to coworkers and friends about her tribulations at works with clients and victims. She is also a whirlwind on the weekends, deep cleaning the house.I feel that our relationship is falling apart around us and we really dont understand why. She cannot seem to stop the constant bitching, and I can’t seem to focus on the details that annoy her. The more I try to do things like that the less it seems to work. I am truly at my wits.She gets extremely annoyed when I just don’t ‘get’ things. That my standards are different than hers (hers which are right, mine which are wrong). I don’t really want to placate her because that is not a solution, at the same time I want to do what will get us back on the right track to a strong, healthy solution.Any ideas?