Dear Dr. Love,I’m really lovesick now. I found a girl who has everything my ex-girlfriend had, and even what she was missing -having in mind that when I was with my ex-girlfriend I thought she was’the one I was dreaming of ‘-. I am actually her boyfriend and love her really a lot, as no one before because we both share lots of things (like romanticness, which most girls usually dislike).Last week when I talked to her she was really strange (cold). I talked to her about it, told her how much I love her, etc. Her response really worried me! She said sometimes when she is with me, she feels very nice but sometimes she just feels uncomfortable. Also she told me she considers me more than a friend, but what really cut my head off was that she said, there may be a day (any day) when she just feels uncomfortable with me and end the relationship. PLEASE help me, I want our relationship to last for ever & ever ’cause I just would die without her.’ Lovesick’
You should be worried. It sounds like this girl you’re dating is a psychological torturer, a sadist. She is dangling you by a string, leaving you to live in terror that she may dump you at any moment. You seem to think that if you say and do the right things you will keep her love. Don’t you realize that you are wonderful and worthy of love just the way you are–without jumping through hoops.This girl sounds so incapable of true love. She is the problem, not you. I am not upset about her statements that she may feel uncomfortable from time to time with the relationship. We all have mixed feelings about our relationships, doubts and hesitations, but healthy people don’t hit the road whenever an uncomfortable feeling arises. This girl, on the contrary, only lives for her pleasure and comfort and she tells you, up front, that if she becomes too uncomfortable, she’s gone. She doesn’t seem to see past her own nose.What about your feelings? Do they matter to her? When you ask me what you can do to insure that she stays, I’m sorry to say that you can’t do a thing. Your girlfriend sounds like a person who is out for number one. If you’re convenient, she’ll stick around, if you’re not, she’s gone. This is a very selfish person who is not capable of a relationship, and nothing you say or do is going to change her or make her capable of having a relationship.In your letter you said that you can’t live without her love. If you really mean this, it would be good to talk with me further about why you want to hang on to a relationship with someone who can’t give back to you. I know what I have said is painful, and you may think that I am being cruel in my assessment of this girl. I only want you to be prepared for the day that she leaves. . . and believe me, she will. Whatever pain you have experienced in reading my letter is nothing compared to what you will experience if you stay with this woman and allow her to continue to jerk your emotional chain. Please keep in touch and let me know what you decide to do.
