dear Dr.Love,i am a 14 year old boy from an asian region.i get involved in a lot of sports like athletics and soccer.around four months ago i met a girl at athletic practices(our coach coaches 5-10 pupils at a time both male & female)at first i did not notice her much but after several practice sessions i began to notice her beauty, her personality and everything else about her.from then on i have had a huge crush on her.but being the shy type & i did not show my love for her directly in any way for the fear of others noticing.about 2 weeks after we first met i caught her looking at me, when i looked at her she kept on stareing, our eyes were locked together for about 15 seconds.the same day she askedfor my name.i was in heaven because i thought she liked me too.about a week later when we were training some dirt went into my eye, i was quite uncomfertable and she asked another boy what was wrong.when he said that some dirt went into my eye she started laughing and didnt stop until she was out of breath.i was feeling very low the whole day, the way she laughed it was almost like she was laughing at my face to show that she didnt like me.after that day i didnt see her for about one month. i was very sad.then one day when i was competing in an athletic meet at a stadium i saw her. i was with a couple of other boys.one of the boys who was with me knew her quite well and asked her about her event, by now she was quite close to us and after she had answered the question she quickly turned and smiled at me.it was brief but i know she smiled at me and the other boys didnt notice it.i couldnt smile back because i would be noticed by my friends and i dont want them to know that i have a crush on her.lately she has started ignoring me but not completely.one in a while she looks at me in that special way(perhaps she thinks i ignore her for fun and thinks doing the same OR a friend told me that this was called the’cold treatment’ and girls do this sometimes to get boys to show their love if they dont do it frequently). all these signals and body language have left me confused.but on the other hand i think it has made her confused her too! because even though i love her being very shy i even completely ignore her sometimes!’ cos i fear of others will notice it(the reson for this is because unlike the west young peole here dont get a chance to date and many people think young boys and girls being together is bad).but whenever i can i smile at her and stare at her.and i think she knows that i love her.but i have never yet verbly said that i love her.i want to find a good way to say that i love her.im too shy to aproach her. i havent yet had a conversation with her.i want to know whether she loves me as much as i love her.i have managed to obtain her telephone number but i dont call her because i dont know what to say to her(and this iswhere im weak at,i think im good looking, i have a good sense of humor but when im around girls i cant get myself to talk because i stammer and and mess it up completely when im with girls) please Dr.love,i cant wait a moment without thinking about her and there are some questions that im afraid to ask anyone else you are the only one who can help me so please try to help me sort these questions out…* is her body language a sign that she likes me?(or is she just flirting?)* does she know that i love her?* what is the best way to let her know that i love her?* how can i start a conversation with her?(at the moment i dont havethe guts to do it i get sooo nervous when im around her)* do you think because i sometimes ignore her she thinks that i dontlike her?(or think that i am too proud)* why do you think she laughed at me?* at the moment is she giving me the cold treatment?* if i get to know that she loves me what are the best ways to keep our relationship going?(or friendship)please Dr.Love this girl is the only one who has ever made me feel this way.she makes me feel like a king when she looks at me in her loving way or when she smiles at me.i feel that i owe her.i want to let her know that i love her and return the feeling she has given me by showing her signs of love(i think)please publish a reply soon im dying to know the answers for the above questions (marked*) and your advice(please let me know anything that you think or feel about the way She acts or I act) and thoughts of my first and only love.thankyou very, very much.
Thanks for your excellent questions, which I will answer one by one. But, before I forget, keep your eyes peeled for my new test, Does She (He) Like Me? This will help you determine whether the person you like, likes you back. Also, the questions that you asked are all answered in debth in my Relationship Advice Guides, which are included free with the Chat Membership. I encourage you to become a member so that you can study these guides. Also, check my Advice Archives under: shy, scared to make the first move, and fear of rejection. There are a lot of articles in the Archives that will help you.Now, to get to your questions.* Is her body language a sign that she likes me? (or is she just flirting?)If a girl or woman flirts that is a sign that she likes you. Smiles are a very clear’green light.’ If a woman is not interested, she doesn’t bother to take the time to flirt or smile.* Does she know that I love her?I think that she is receiving mixed signals from you. You said that you were afraid to return her smile, for fear that your friends would know that you like her. You explained that in your culture, dating is frowned upon, so, I can have to assume that because she lives in the same culture that she understands why you were afraid to return her smile. You need to try, as much as possible, to consistently convey your positive feelings for her.* What is the best way to let her know that I love her?The best way is to bite the bullet and tell her how much you like and admire her.* How can I start a conversation with her?(at the moment i dont have the guts to do it i get sooo nervous when I’m around her).You need to read the articles in my Advice Archives, which will help you get past your fear of rejection. If you start by talking about how much you admire something about her, you won’t be rejected. What person would turn off a compliment? Once you are in the door, you can move on to other topics. Ask interested questions, listen to what she says, and ask more questions. If you focus on her, you won’t be as obsessed with yourself, your fear, your reactions, etc.* Do you think because I sometimes ignore her she thinks that I dont like her?(or think that i am too proud).Like I said above, you are sending mixed signals, and you need to work on this. When you are comfortable with the fact that you like her, you won’t care so much what your friends say. Why would your friends tease you for liking her? Liking another person is a wonderful thing. If you can feel comfortable with liking her, and not feel ashamed, your friends will pick up on your new attitude and they won’t tease you.* Why do you think she laughed at me?This is hard to know. People laugh when they are uncomfortable. The only way we will know this is to ask her. The fact that she continued to make contact with you after the laugh means that she really likes you.* At the moment is she giving me the cold treatment?I think she is responding to your mixed signals. You didn’t return her smile and she is confused. Don’t forget. She lives in the same culture as you do–where dating is frowned upon. But, in spite of this, she smiled at you, stared at you, etc. In other words, she made it quite clear that she is interested and that she doesn’t care what the culture says. So, if you want to end her mixed signals, and cold treatment, you need to be more consistent with her and you need to make your move.* If I get to know that she loves me what are the best ways to keep our relationship going?(or friendship)Read my weekly column, my Advice Guides (in Chat Membership) my Ten Tips and keep abreast of all the information that I provide. Be a good listener, make sure to convey to her that you understand her thoughts and feelings. Know what you feel and say it. Try to be responsive to her needs, whenever possible. Give her the feeling that she is your number one concern (first in your life). Do this by remembering what is important to her (don’t make her remind you) and initiate acts or surprises that you know are important to her. For example, if she likes flowers, buy flowers. If she likes dancing, take her dancing. Women feel loved when the men in their lives make them feel like number one, using all the steps I mentioned above.Good luck.
