Dear Dr. Love:I have been dating this guy Jeramy for only a short time, but we have known each other since we were very young. . . I recently lost my virginity to him, and I am very much so thinking twice about whether I should have. . . I care for him a lot.He is now talking about getting married and having children. He wants to quit using protection while having sex because he wants to have kids. I don’t know quite what to think of this. He is about 4 years older than me and he is graduated from High School. I am going to only be a senior in high school, and don’t want the hastle of children until at least the time I graduate.I would love to go further in our relationship, but I am not sure if he is the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I do love him very much. . . don’t get me wrong, but I just don’t know what to think. . . Please help me out. . . I’m very lost!!Thanks, IN LOVE. . I THINK. . . .
When you say, ‘I don’t know what to think,’ this doesn’t sound like an accurate statement to me. In fact, it sounds like you are quite clear on what you do and don’t want and what you do and don’t think. It also sounds to me like you don’t feel entitled to stand your ground and hold to your position. How come you need to present yourself as being confused? Like there is something wrong with your brain. Why not call this situation the way it is: Your boyfriend is trying to pressure you into doing what he wants and doesn’t seem to respect your position.This is your body and you are more than entitled to say that you don’t want unprotected sex or children right now. It sounds like this guy is pushing you to go against your inner guidance. If he loves you, he should be listening to your needs. And, please don’t fall into the trap that many females do: Surrending your self to a man in order to keep his love. If he loves you, he will wait for kids. What’s the big hurry?And, likewise, if he loves and respects you, he will give you whatever assurances you need to comfortably engage in unprotected sex. For example, has he given you assurances that he is HIV negative? If not, how dare he ask you to risk your body? So, stick to your guns. Don’t allow this man bully you into going against your convictions. You know exactly what to think.