Dear Dr. Love,The man who is the love of my life is my high school sweetheart. Unfortunately, after high school I went to college and he went to the navy and we have been apart for almost four years now. During this time we have tried to be together but the strain of the distance was too much. Yet, we cannot let go and up until now we always say we will move on and yet have not.Well now I am about ready to graduate from college and he is almost done with the navy. Neither of us are in serious relationships and we always had said that 1997 was THE year to finally be together. I have expressed my true feeelings to him and told him that I am still in love with him I followed this up with a visit to see him for the weekend. Yet, he cannot committ to me and says he ‘cannot jump back in ‘I know he still loves me, so why is he saying this? Could he be scared or is this a sign for me to move on? He is also a very indecisive person and prides himself on this? Help, please.Lost in Ca.
It is your boyfriend who sounds lost, not you. You are correct when you say that he is scared. He went into the Navy, which was his way of avoiding intimacy. You say he is very indecisive and likes this quality in himself, which means he has no motivation to change this part of himself. Now, he has the chance to commit and he says he can’t jump back in.Maybe it’s time for you to jump ship while you have the chance. And, don’t be surprised if you find him chasing you when you pull back. People who suffer from your boyfriend’s problem always come in close when they feel you distancing. But as soon as you respond, they pull back again. If you had said in your letter, he knows he has a problem with intimacy and wants to work on it, I would feel there is hope. But, I didn’t hear anything like this in your letter. So, as far as I can see, this guy is a dead-end. And, if you don’t want to spend your life chasing a rainbow, you need to seriously consider moving on before it’s too late.