Again I thank you for your help. Well, my question isn’t really a general topic, but here goes. I am only 17 years old, and have been involved in many relationships. In fact about 2 months ago I just ended one that had lasted for a year. I decided to concentrate on school this next year, and not worry about dating anyone specific. I was introduced to this guy through a friend who had a crush on him, and wanted me to meet him.Well, at first I didn’t think anything of him. But the more I got to know him, the more he seemed to fit this image of the guy I had set in my mind to find to spend to my life with one day. What suprises me, is that I wasn’t even looking for someone when I found him. Well, I hate hiding our relationship but we have no choice. Some of my family already met him and loved him, they met him through my friend. They seem to think he is a great guy.My friend has given us her blessing, although right now, we are simply friends who are dating. My mom, would approve of him if she got to know him for who he is, but the problem is he is in the navy, and she won’t allow me to go out with anyone in the navy because she thinks the are all ‘sex-crazed fiends. ‘ Lately this guy and I have discussed our feelings for one another, and both admit that we keep that they are deeper than we had thought. The only thing is that we know that once school starts, Aug 12, we will not have much time together, maybe one day or two a month.I don’t know what to do as far as my mom is concerned, and I think I am falling in love with this guy. We both hate sneaking around but we don’t know what else to do. We both think that it is to late, that we both would do whatever it took to see ea. other, but we still don’t feel around about being sneaky. I don’t know if it would be foolish to fall in love with someone who I couldn’t see on a regular basis either. I just don’t know what to do. I am scared that knowing I can’t see him will cause me to try to deny feelings for him to myself. What do you suggest that we do?Thanks Lost and Falling In Love
You said that this man you are falling for fits the image of the man you want to marry, so I don’t think it is such a good idea to give him up so fast. . . no matter what your mother thinks. After all, you are 17, and before long you will be able to date whomever you want, with or without her blessing. So, follow your heart where it leads. If this man is your Mr. Right, your relationship will survive adversity, separations, and a mother who is narrow-minded.As for your mother: Have you considered talking with her? I think this is your first move. You could start by trying to understand her fears. You might say, ‘Mom, I know you want to protect me from harm, but what if your wish to keep me from someone I am falling in love with does me more harm than good?’ I would ask her where her belief about army men stems from? Did she have a bad experience?I might remind her that you know a lot of sex-crazed fiends that aren’t in the army (the army doesn’t have a monopoly on men who are out for booty). You could reassure her that you’ve seen enough of these types and had the intelligence to turn them away. I would also ask her if she is afraid that you will become sexually active, pregnant or catch an STD (sexually transmitted disease).Then, I might talk with her about your own good judgment. I would remind her that she needs to help you to make responsible decisions for yourself, which is an essential part of becoming an independent adult. If she shelters you, and pr events you from making your own choices, how can you ever become self-reliant?Also, have you talked about this man’s character and told her how much he loves and respects you? Have you invited her to meet him? And, have you told her that, in the end, you will need to do what you believe is best for you, and you want her blessing?So, in a nutshell, my advice to you is: have a woman-to-woman talk with her. Hopefully, your mother will come to realize how mature you are and how capable you are of distinguishing a womanizer from a man that truly cares for you. After you have a talk, please promise to write me again and let me know if she has come around. And, as I said, don’t give up on a man that may be your Mr. Right.