Dear Dr Love, I have been going out with this great guy for over 3 months and I’ve known for 5 months before we got together.Everything seems okay but we do not know why that at times we do love each other but at other times we don’t. Both of us are feeling this way and it’s tearing us apart.This on and off love is confusing as we do have feelings for each other. He says that the times when he felt that he didn’t love me is when I’m not responsive to his affections or when I’m moody and quiet.We don’t seem to have the passion that all relationships need and this is draining me. I don’t want to throw this away but at the same time, if I feel that he doesn’t love me that deep that he actually wants to than I rather not have this relationship.Please help. Thank you. Lost
It’s not my place to tell you what to do.You say that you worry that you are depressed.How could you not be depressed? You are a human punching bag, and a prisoner in your own emotional jail. I’m the jailor who can set you free. The key to your freedom is understanding.First I want you to see that you and your boyfriend are actually mirror images of each other. You both were unfaithful to each other from the start. You both are unable to trust. You’re both abusive.Your relationship consists of your taking turns torturing each other with infidelity,physical abuse and mistrust.Just so you know, breaking up won’t solve the problem. The problem will haunt you both wherever you go and no matter who you’re with.I want you to also know that it’s no accident that you chose each other and that you choose to stay with each other. If you want your life to change, you need to understand why.I’m betting that you are both filled with rage toward your parents. And you both represent the other’s hated parent, and you take turns beating up on the parent, and then doing penance for your bad behavior by taking a punishment. No wonder you can’t let each other go. You both have unfinished business with your parents, and you aren’t done paying them back.If you want to get passed this prison, read my book Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First)http://www.drlove.com/content/till-death-do-us-part-unless-i-kill-you-first-step-step-guide-resolving-relationship. The title of the book sounds like your life.The book will help you identify the Old Scars that you each carry from childhood.Next it will show you how to heal the Scars with each other’s help.To do this, you need to make a commitment to TALK about your feelings, your hurt, your fear, your sadness, and so, on without going into action. By action I mean cheating, verbal attacks, physical attacks. No action.If you commit to this no action policy, your feelings will then be able to be put into words. Once they’re in words, the healing can begin. When you speak, you are to listen and understand each other. Doing so is the way to help each other heal the pain.If you cannot commit to this plan, your relationship will be a war zone and nothing more.I’ve given you the blueprint for healing your depression and your relationship.Let me know how you make out.
