I am very frustrated with the man that I am seeing. We have had intercourse many times. I have had no problem climaxing, but my partner has never climaxed. I have asked him if he is aroused and he says he is, but that he stops himself when he gets close. I feel as if I am not doing something right, yet he has reassured me that is not true. What is going on here? How should I handle this problem ? Is it even problem?
I notice you said that your lover stops himself when he gets close to orgasm. When you say, he stops himself, I think you mean that he voluntarily inhibits his own orgasm. In other words, this is not a man who bumps and grinds in frustration, but can’t get off. So, before we go any farther, let’s get one thing straight. Stop blaming yourself. If this man holds back his own orgasms, why on earth would you say that you aren’t doing something right. This is his penis. Not yours. How can you control what he does or doesn’t do with his penis!We women are so prone to taking responsibility and personalizing issues that aren’t our responsibility. You are currently doing the, I’m not sexy enough, number on your head. If this guys wants to hold back until he explodes, even a sex bomb couldn’t get him to go off. You need to understand that a man who refuses to allow himself to have an orgasm when he is with a partner, is often very emotionally disturbed. Such a man believes that if he lets go, he will lose control over himself. There are terrible fears of being swallowed up, taken over, and beliefs that the self will dissolve or disappear going on here. When a man holds back, this is an unconscious attempt to hold his identity together.If you want to attempt to work on this problem with him, you could start by asking him if he allows himself to have an orgasm when he’s alone, he would probably say yes (there’s no danger when he’s alone. ) And, don’t you dare begin blaming yourself when and if you find that he can get off by himself. After you drop the first question, you might ask him what objection he has to getting off when he’s with you. What does he think would happen. What does he think the risks are. Does he think that you will tie him down or make him commit to you.Get him talking. This is the main way to work through his fears. If your talks don’t improve the situation, then, all you can do is ask him to go into couples counseling with you. He would be too frightened to go to therapy on his own (this would make him feel to exposed and out-of-control). If your talks aren’t sufficient, and they probably won’t be, and he refuses to go, then you have some serious decisions to make. Lots of luck, let me know how you make out.
