1. My boyfriend and I have been dating for approximately 10 months, recently my sex drive has dimenished although I still love him dearly. I’m not sure whether it’s because I feel smothered by him or the fact I’m going through menopause (I’m 45). Can you help?2. Again we’ve been dating for 10 months, but have known each other for 4 1/2 years, how long is acceptable to wait for a proposal?3. How can I ask my boyfriend politely to use mouthwash and chapstick, so he is more kissable?Thanks.
Your question is in three parts, so I will answer each question in order.First you want to know whether feeling smothered can kill your sex drive. Yes it can, as can other feelings such as unresolved anger, hurt, fear, mistrust, etc. You say that you are feeling smothered, but you mention further down in the letter that you are waiting for a proposal and wonder how long you should wait. I am trying to figure out the mixed message I am reading here–you feel smothered but still want a proposal offer.Is it possible that you are only saying you feel smothered because you are suffering from what I call the sour grapes syndrome. In other words, this man isn’t smothering you with the right kind of attention–a proposal, so, in self-defense, you have begun to sour on him and are psychologically and sexually pulling away from this man that you say is smothering you. Is it possible that you are pulling away emotionally and physically because you have feelings that you aren’t admitting regarding his not offering marriage?When we deaden our emotions, it is also common to feel dead sexually. When you unearth all your feelings towards this man, you will probably feel less dead sexually. Hint: I have the sense that you are pissed about having to wait for his offer. Buried anger is a powerful sex antidote.Now, as for your other question regarding whether your sex drive is diminished due to physical causes, such as menopause. This is always possible. Diminishing estrogen or testosterone levels can lower sex drive. Have you noticed that your vagina doesn’t lubricate as well as it used to. In other words, are you Dr. even when you feel excited? Dryness is a good clue that hormones are shifting in preparation for menopause. There are many natural substances that can help regulate hormones and boost sex drive. Check my Wellness Dictionary for more information.Also, keep your eyes peeled. In a few months, I will be debuting Dr. Love’s Formulas, the world’s first line of relationship enhancing nutritional supplements. In my line, I will offer a libido enhancing remedy for women.As for your final question, how can you politely tell your friend that he needs to use mouthwash and chapstick. The best way is to speak about yourself and say: I am so much more excited when you use mouthwash and chapstick before kissing me.Lots of luck on all fronts.
