I really appreciate your site and I hope you can help me with my problem.My husband has recently introduced me to vibrators and hot tub jets. I enjoyed these things, but I feel a real sense of guilt when I orgasm in this manner rather than’with’ him. He doesn’t have a problem with it, but I sometimes wonder if it isn’t just a little too kinky.I also wonder about the safety and whether or not these things can cause problems further on down the road either sexually or physically. I would appreciate any response.Thank You
First let talk about your practical questions. Are vibrators safe? It would be risky to share a vibrator with someone that has an STD (sexually transmitted disease)–it would need to be thoroughly washed before use. As for hot tubs, there is always a risk that organisms could live in the water, especially if the temperatures are too low or if the water isn’t disinfected properly.But, I don’t think that you are mostly worried about the’reality’ issues. It seems to me you are struggling more with your guilt feelings.You seem to feel ashamed to have pleasure without your husband’s help–in other words, when you masturbate yourself to orgasm.Many people feel guilty or ashamed to touch themselves, and these feelings always stem from early life experiences. For example, if you were caught touching yourself as a child and were scolded or made to feel wrong or bad, then you would probably carry these feelings of shame into adulthood.Something happened during your formative years which has left you feeling guilty, too kinky, and unentitled to pleasure yourself. The best way to figure out where these feelings are coming from is to search your memory bank and see what comes (no pun intended) up.Then, when you realize where the feeling stems from, talk about this with your husband. The best way to work this through is to become aware of the origin of the feelng and then talk it out.If you still feel guilty, then we discuss it further about it.