I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year now and we still haven’t kissed. We have been intimate but he won’t kiss me on the mouth. He says the reason why is because that is moving our relationship to another level and he isn’t sure if he is ready.That doesn’t make sense to me though because if he is ready to get intimate with me in other ways than what is the difference of a kiss.I need your help: I feel like he may just be using me for a way out of something.HELP! !
Your boyfriend is scared of getting too close, so he holds back a part of himself by refusing to kiss you. This fear is often expressed in other ways that you have probably heard of such as being reluctanct to say ‘I love you’ burying oneself in work, bringing a third party into the relationship or cheating outright to dilute the attachment, and fear of marriage or commitment. The possibilities go on and on.The bottom line is we are dealing with a guy who is damaged goods. The type of fear that plagues him has its origins in childhood–either he had an overbearing parent who smothered him and left him afraid of becoming too close to anyone else, for fear of his self being taken over, or he was emotionally abandoned, which primes him to expect that all people he gets close to will abandon him, which makes him afraid to get too close.The real question is what can you do about it. You have two options. The first is to be direct, describe his problem and ask him if he is interested in figuring out the origin of his fear. The other approach is to mirror his reluctance by being even more reluctant yourself. Doing so will give him the breathing room he needs if his mother was overbearing. Seeing that you aren’t going to eat him alive can help ease his fear and make him feel safer to come close to you.This technique will work well if an overbearing parent is the cause of his fear. If, however, it is fear abandonment is behind his reluctance to get too close, then giving him room won’t resolve the problem. The room will help him avoid facing the fear and he will be comfortable with the status quo forever.So all being said and done, you will probably want to deal directly with him and have him begin to actively work on identifying and resolving the wounds that are causing his kissaphobia.
