Hi Dochow are you? I hope you’re doing fine. It’s so good to see a free website online that has a lot to offer and to meet such a knowledgeable person as yourself!Let me introduce myself. My name is khaledah. I am 21 yrs. old and have been married for 1 year. I love my husband a lot. I’ts just these last few months have been hard for us because I think this is where the hard part of the first year comes in.We have different opinions which is normal, but even though my husband is nice, he was even nicer when we first got engaged. He used to open the car door for me and be very intimate with me even in public, and now we are still intimate but he doesn’t quite do the same things, as when we were engaged.Also my husband is very close to his sister, and even though she doesn’t interfere in our life, it’s still like I feel I am playing tug of war for my husband. You know what I mean a sis calling her bro everyday is too much, plus she lives down the street from me like all the way down, but like I dunno he constantly is going there to see her and I don’t like that you know I kind of get jealous!Please help me I beg you?!!! for your intelligent and good advice.
I am so glad that you appreciate the ‘free’ advice columns that I offer. You may have noticed that I haven’t been updating my advice column and weekly sex questions for many weeks now. The reason for this is because my site has been undergoing a redesign, and during all this time I haven’t been able to access the site administration or–back end—of the site in order to make any of my column updates. Thankfully, my admininstrative features are available to me again, so I can finally update my columns again each week! I do enjoy hearing from all of you, and am so happy to be able to connect with you each week.Now, for your question, I don’t think that you would be so upset over the attention your husband pays to his sis if you felt that you were getting the attention that you need. You mentioned that your husband isn’t quite as intimate or affectionate as he was when you were dating. What we need to determine is whether he is just becoming lazy or whether he is angry at you over something and expressing that anger by being less affectionate with you.You mentioned that you disagree on certain points. I wonder if he harbors resentment over your disagreements? To find out, ask him in a very gentle and open ended way how he’s been feeling about you and the relationship. Ask him if he’s mad at you over something and not telling you.When he asks you why you’re asking him if he’s angry with you, then describe the change in his behavior and tell him that you don’t know how else to intepret his cooling toward you. If he is, in fact, angry, and why wouldn’t he be, since relationships and marriage arouse very strong and, oftentimes, negative feelings, then get him talking about his negative feelings.Listen, repeat back what you hear him say, understand his feelings (don’t try to talk him out of his feelings) and, if needed, make an honest effort to modify whatever you’re doing to anger him. When his anger is put into words, he’ll be less likely to express it indirectly by withholding affection and/or by giving more attention to his sister than to you (this, too, may be an unconscious way of expressing his anger).At the same time, make sure that you clearly state what you do want from him. If you want more displays of affection, tell him so and then praise him when he is responsive to your wishes. The best way to reinforce behavior that you like is by praising it!As for your feelings of jealousy over his attachment to his sister, I feel confident that you won’t feel so jealous of her when you are not feeling starved yourself. The bottom line is you need to help him make you feel like his number one girl. Think about what he can do and say to give you that feeling. Then tell him what he can do to make you feel that way; and don’t forget to praise his efforts to respond to you.The more he feels praised by you, the more he’s going to want to give to you, since we humans like to repeat pleasurable experiences. Soon, he’ll be jumping through hoops to please you more and more and he’ll be so exhausted that he’ll have less emotional energy left over for his sister.Let me know how you do.
