Dr. Love:I recently met a man whom I have gone out with a few (three) times. I see him almost every day because he owns the local coffee shop where I get my morning coffee. Every time I have been out with him, I have enjoyed his company and we have had some great conversations.My problem is that I am falling for him and don’t know if he is interested in me or not. I am wondering if he just sees me as a friend and nothing more. So far, there has been no physical contact (kissing, etc. ) even though I would like there to be.Is it too soon to tell him about my developing feelings for him and ask him what his feelings toward me are? Do I make a move on him and see what happens?What do I do? Please help!
There is no official timetable governing when you should tell someone that you are interested in him. You need to follow your heart and speak your heart when it feels right to you. You say that you have gone out three times, so I assume that he is interested enough in you to have gone on more than one date.My next thought was, what’s the hurry? Why can’t you let your relationship unfold slowly. Why do you feel the need to rush and tell him that you are falling for him after only three dates?My sense is that you are feeling anxious over the unknown (does he like you too?) and your anxiety is propelling you into action (the impulse to reveal that you are falling for him). By jumping the gun so soon, you ease the building anxiety within yourself, but you need to see what the downside of speaking so soon might be. Might you come off as hungry or desperate and could this push him away?I also get the feeling that you are afraid that he won’t like you as much as you do and rushing your disclosure about falling for him may be your way of ‘dying by your own sword.’ In other words, by acting quickly you could find out whether your worst fear is true or not and get the pain over with sooner rather than later.After reviewing all your motives, and studying your sense about him, you are going to need to decide whether you think it would be in your best interest and whether it would be appreciated by him if you were to speak so soon. You might want to consider diluting your communication to him by telling him positive statements about how you enjoy his company and the conversations you share, but not that you’re falling for him.This is a safe way to test the waters. If he receives your more tame communications with open arms, you will know that he interested in you. This will help you to feel safer to go to the next level of revelation when the time feels right.