3 months ago my wife and I got a divorce due to getting on each others nerves and our differences. We were together 2 and a half years.Another one of the reasons is somebody I work with. We had a gathering at a local bar for a going away party for a fellow employee. At the later part of this party, after talking with her for a few hours, she said to me’I can’t believe you are married’. This led into a very intense beautiful, relationship between the two of us after the divorce. She told me she loved me more than she had ever loved anyone, including the guy she was ingaged to for 2 years.The two of us were experiencing things in the world of love we thought didn’t exist. The sex was wonderful from both of our stand-points, the want and need to becared for by each other was blatent. This went on for two months without a kink.At the beging of the relationship she warned me that she was a manic depressent and at time she would gert depressed and there was nothing I could do. She also assured me that it wouldn’t be me or she wouldsay something. Well about a week and a half ago she got depressed and I gave her some space to cope with it, informing her that if she needed anything I would be there for her. I wasn’t worried becuase I had no reason to. I knew she loved me and I loved her.Then came the bomb out of nowhere. She told me it was over, I needed to move on and she fell out of love with me. Of course that didn’t slide with me, I was distroyed. I spoke to her more about it and she said she just doesn’t want to be in any relationship right now with anyone (which I believe), ours was to intense, she felt she couldn’t breath and the type of relationship she wants is one of those bottom of the priorities kind of things. Before she got depressed everybody including her knew this was as happy as she has ever been.She told me I changed her life. She also wanted me to move in with her.I understand this woman is a special kind of woman. What I don’t know is how can she have loved me so much and expierenced such a different level of life and turn around and throw it away. She says other than the fact that it was to intense and we had differences, there was nothing wrong with me. How can someone do that?This is tearing my heart apart. I love this woman unlike any woman I have loved before. She is beautiful, smart, caring and has a lot of love in her. These are all quallities I have seen in her over the past two months. Yet now she doesn’t even want to be with me. ‘Who know’s what the future holds’, she said to me, the future scares me that I might have lost her forever for the wrong reasons. I am not sure she is thinking things through. Everthing she has said to me in the last two days have contradicted EVERYTHING she has ever said or displayed to me in the past.The two of us thoght we were a match made in heaven……right now my heart has been chewed up and has stop beating. I understand that this probably will not get published in your colomn due to it’s length and complicated mater. Any response would be great. I am in a lot of pain right now and I don’t know what to do about it…….heck, I am not sure wether it is worth going on to go through this again with someone else.Quite frankly I can’t deal with this. I have to much heart to just give a little if someone deserves it all….like she did.
What you are going through is hell on earth. Being rejected is hard to go through in any case. But being rejected by such a great love is so terribly painful, I can understand that you feel your heart has been torn out.You asked me to explain to you how a woman who loved you so much could do a 180 degree turn and throw that love away? To understand her behavior, you have to know more about manic-depressive illness. Manic-depressives are like Jekyll and Hydes, when they’re up they’re great, but when they’re down, they become another person entirely (almost like a multiple personality). This explains why her actions make no sense and seem to be coming from someone other than the person you fell in love with.When you fell in love with her she was in a manic phase, full of energy and life; a total joy. I’m sure she was wonderful. But, her dark side or other side was hidden from you and the relationship. She didn’t make her entire self available to you (or I should say, her illness hid the other side of her personality from you). There was no way for you to have known that this nightmare was going to unfold. You trusted, fell in love and unfortunately, got burned.You are a very special man, capable of great feeling, and you gave your heart to woman that may be too damaged to be in a relationship (she says so herself). I know how painful it is to realize that the depressed part of her rules, and in that state she simply cannot allow love in her life.But you can feel love. You are an amazingly sensitive man. I know that you will soon find a woman who will be able to love you for all your special qualities.By the way, if you find that you are still suffering, a little one-on-one therapy would be good. Best of luck to you.
