I’m 29, never married, no children. About two years ago I met a wonderful man ‘David’ also 29.At first I had fears about dating him because he was recently divorced with 3 small children, 6 1/2, 3 1/2, 18 months (live with X). Eventually we began to date and as time went by I found that I loved him. He’s a wonderful father, and a wonderful person all together. We moved in together about 6 months later, which I was unsure of. Last September we got engaged. I was excited and scared because marrying him meant I had to make a lot of sacrifices. I had just graduated and I wouldn’t be able to relocate for job opportunities, (something I REALLY wanted to do), also the possibility of not having a child of my own existed, and all the other stuff that comes along with being a step-parent.Everything seemed fine until about 6 months ago. I took a job 2 hrs away which my closest friend ‘Tim’, who’s in the same field, helped me find. We became roommates (at David’s suggestion). Since I’ve been living apart from David, I’ve gotten a different view on everything and have developed doubts. To add to that I’ve also noticed feelings, strong feelings, for Tim.Tim has also confessed feelings for me. Tim and I have always had a close bond. He was married when we were in school and the thought of crossing the friendship line NEVER entered our minds. Tim faced the hardest year of his life last year, his wife decided she had gotten married too young and his grandfather passed away shortly after. I was his shoulder to cry on. Since we’ve been roommates we’ve realized just how close we really are. I NEVER thought I would be in this position.I love David, but I’m not sure I’m ready to be a step-mom. I feel tremendous guilt about my feelings for Tim because it opens my eyes to the closeness that David and I don’t share anymore. I have put the wedding off for now. David thinks all of the doubt is coming from us living apart. I just don’t feel that is true. But what if I’m wrong? Or what if Tim has been the one for me all along and it took all the events of this past year to push us into this apartment to realize WE are meant for each other. Is it possible to have 2 soul mates given to you at the same time? And if so which one do I chose?
I can see why you are conflicted. I know that we have all been raised to believe that there is only one Mr. Right, Prince Charming or whatever you want to call him for each woman. Turns out that there are many Mr. Rights out there.his means that we can be compatible with numerous people in a lifetime. I am hearing you tell me is that your fiance is wonderful and quite compatible with you. However, specific situational factors (namely the fact that he must remain in one location in order to be near children from his first marriage, plus the fact that you may not be able to have children with him because he already has three kids) are definately interfering with the viability of this relationship.If you didn’t want children and didn’t have the desire to move wherever your career takes you, then I am sure that you and your fiance would be fine.However, these situational factors are definite stumbling blocks. To overlook these issues would be to deny important aspects of yourself, your goals, aspirations, and so on.The relationship with the other man, however, doesn’t include the same type of constraints. He doesn’t have children tying him down, for one thing, and this is quite a big difference between the two men. So, while you may be equally compatible with both men in terms of your values, personalities and so on, the external circumstances surrounding these two relationships are vastly different.I can see that you are torn. Take my adult compatibility test, version one if you are taking it alone, version two if you are taking it with your partner, and I think the test will reveal what I am saying. You must not disregard your concerns about your relationship with your fiance. These concerns, as you said yourself, were present from early on in that relationship.The decision to commit to another person must be made with your head as well as your heart. I think your head is telling you that you will have to sacrifice far too much of yourself in order to stay with your fiance.Let me know what you decide.