I am totally confused and feeling totally crazy. I am a divorced mother of two (3,7).I met a man and after a year we have moved in together. He has a weekend daughter (7) and we all get along great. After 6 months of living together he has told me he loves me but he has to figure out if I am the one. He says he needs to know before we go any further whether this is it?He is 28 and I am 33. He said we should stop sleeping together at the moment so it wont cloud his thinking because our sex life is too good. He wants to know if it’s just sex or the real thing.
I understand your boyfriend’s question. My question for him is why is he wondering now, after six months of living together? Are his doubts recent or has he had them all along? What kind of information would convince him that the love is real? I would also want to know if this indecision is a pattern of his or did he pull this in previous relationships?If he did, then we have to suspect that he has a fear of intimacy or commitment (see my Advice Archives for more on this subject). At this point, I think that the safest course of action is to take my Compatibility Test, version two (the one you both take). This is a very reliable test that measures your level of compatibility in all the areas that are important (values, tastes, interests, life goals, monetary and spending habits, leisure pursuits, etc. )Taking the test is the only way to flesh out the real issue. If you take the test and your ‘Compatibility Score’is high but he still has cold feet, then we know that he’s dealing with an emotional problem. In which case, we can tackle that problem head on. Until you take the test, he can always hide the emotional problem behind what seems to be a legitimate question–are we actually compatible.So, remove that issue, and then we will know what the real problem is.Good luck.
