Hi Dr, Here is this girl I met her 2015 mid April. I was not interested in her but to her friend, only to find to find out she is dying in love with in me. So I then shift my attention to her, well little did I knew she was the prettiest girl ‘ why I did not notice her’ I kept on asking myself. We decided to be in a in relationship, a long distance relationship. We are both born 1998 March, she is on the 13th and I on the 30th. We understand each other a lot, I mean we would spend 4-6 hours on a phone call since we were in a long distance relationship. So she decided to have sex with me around Sep if not Nov 2015. Our relationship became so strong and we go to know about each other a lot. 2016 mid year we broke-up, simply because I was the one who cheated on her. So we broke-up but did not lost communication with each other because we would talk about how life is going on ones side, I would not talk what bothering with my girlfriend but I would rather tell her(my ex) what’s been bothering me and I tell you I would get better after that… So latter 2018 I tried my luck of winning her heart again but she was not up for that, I don’t knw why, perhaps she was seeing someone else. I did not gave up I kept on trying up until I won her back 2019 Feb. It lasted for 8 months, it was a long distance relationship but we did not felt that nor had a problem with it, but the problem it was me. I was bottling with my personal, family issues at some point I would feel as if I am the burden on her or the relationship is the burden. So I neglected her, I did not give too much attention, I wanted to be alone because I felt like she did not understand my suffering nor my background, so she decided to block me to all the social platforms, I did not mind that in fact it was an relief because I felt like my problems are decreasing. Later 2019 around Sep I came back to myself and it was like I lost myself and I decided to search for her on social platforms fortunately she unblocked me, but she was not willing to get back to me. I thought its over between us, so I tried to forget about her and not to bother her again. I told myself this ”if we are met to be to together, she will come back by herself” and she did . 2021 April it was at mid night I was with my other girlfriend, I received a text from one of the social platforms, it was HER. While my girlfriend is asleep we were chatting. She told me that she was in a serious relationship with this gent, apparently the guy asked for marriage from her but she said no. She said ”NO” simply because on that night she told me that ” she said no because she does not see herself with anyone else other than me” she said she wants her lover back of which that was me . I was not honest with her, I told that I did not had a girlfriend, we decided to get back again but mind you now I am seeing two ladies and that is not my brand. so I decided to dump the one of 2015 , ”I mean she is been away from me, I last saw her 2016” that was me convincing myself, forgetting that I once said ” if we are met to be to together, she will come back by herself”. It was on the 25th of May 2021 when I dumped her, but after a week I stated to being apologetic of my decision up until today I still regret myself. I am not seeing anyone simply because I feel like I should wait for her but she does not know nor I know how she feels about me nor she willing to talk to me again.. But is she my soulmate or should I just let her go or forget about her?
Your story is very distressing to read. I understand that you are young. If my math is right, you are only 24 and that is a young age to settle down with one partner. But I am still concerned that you treat women like disposable objects. You do not treat women like people with feelings. You originally wanted this woman who you think is your soulmate, but you changed your mind and dumped her for another woman, then you cheated on the woman you were with, dumped your girlfriend, two-timed both of these women, then you got the one you wanted back and then you dumped her.
When you have what you think you want, you destroy that relationship. You only seem to want what you don’t have. I’m not surprised that your ex won’t take you back. Why should she? You’ve given her no reason to trust her.
Now you’re wondering if your ex is your soul mate when what you need to be doing is serious soul searching to figure out why you behave the way you do!
You have no business being a relationship with anyone until you straighten yourself out.
You need to identify who treated you (or your parent) with such careless disregard during your formative years? Whoever that person is trained you to dump on the women you’re with.
Were you continually pulled in and then dropped?
Did your parents treat each other in this way?
Something is seriously broken inside you. You need to locate the origin of the wound and heal that wound. The way to heal is to form a solid relationship with a therapist who will not dump you and who will encourage you not to quit therapy and the relationship until the healing is done.
The bottom line is you need to heal yourself before you can even think about having a relationship.
