I would appreciate insights in my clouded emotional mind. I would like to hear unbiased opinion about this…

I have met this guy for 9 years, He liked me since college days. we started out as best friends then confessed that he liked me. I was a afraid of ruining our friendship at first but now we have been in a relationship for 4 years. It’s been a Long distance relationship, because of our friendship, loyalty has never been an issue. we wanted to work this out. there would be fights but we tried to improve our relationship by trying to communicate better…

for the past 4 years tho, I feel like I’m the one who always forgives, tries to make time to make this relationship work. He works as in IT engineer and he tells me it’s always stressful. I try to understand him, he would give me a brief call and update me about his life. but I feel like being a diary. at the back of my mind, “How about me? aren’t you gonna ask what’s going on in my life?” I work as Nurse. I would sleep late, waiting for his call, I would be on my phone waiting whenever he’s free. I feel like I’m always the one trying to accommodate for him. I’m waiting, looking forward one day that he would do an extra mile for me. (Or maybe I don’t see the sacrifices he’s doing for me)

I tried to communicate it to him. that  I would appreciate if he would leave me text message, be more expressive (I don’t bother to leave a test message anymore cause I know he wouldn’t even back read). But he says that he’s too busy. (But he was able to do it on the first years that we have been together). I tried to be less emotional and thinks about his well being first. All I just wanted is he tries to get back with me by spending quality time on a weekend, at least do something for me of just one thing.

I really want to support him, because he’s building something for us in the long term. but I feel like he doesn’t understand where I’m coming from. What if we start a family and raise kids? would he be able to understand my emotional needs? Don’t I deserve a little love and attention as well? Am I being unfair? Am I being selfish?

Or he cannot balance his life at all right now, too focused on his agenda that he can’t juggle our relationship?

Do I love him too much that I kept putting valid reasons that “He’s busy” “His agenda goes first” when my emotions are also valid that my concerns also needed to be acknowledged.

Is it true that relationship should be both 100/100? or on bad days you as a partner don’t have any choice but to give your utmost.

thank you. I don’t have anyone to vent out.. I wanted to protect his image to my family. I thought we worked so hard for this.. or I mostly worked so hard for this for not to fall apart.

Dr Jamie Turndorf Unselected an answer November 3, 2022