Dear Dr. Love,Please help me come out of this incest feeling. It is about my mother that I get feelings. I am 23 and she is 51. We both live alone and I have been getting this incest feeling for the last 6 years. I try to avoid it but I cannot. Each time I see something which arouses me, I have to masturbate thinking about her. Sometimes I even masturbate looking at her photograph. I feel that I am in love with her and I want to have sex with her. But this feeling turns into disgust once I finish masturbating. Please help me come out of this.Regards,Incest problem
It was very brave of you to send me this question. You have had the courage to discuss what every normal human being feels inside. Yes, it is normal to have sexual feelings for parents and other family members. . . only most people repress and deny these feelings. You may have heard the term, incest taboo, (the univeral rule which prevents civilized people from acting on their incestuous feelings). The existence of this taboo tells us something very important about human nature: that incest feelings occur in all human beings. If the feelings weren’t universal, societies would have never needed to invent this taboo.In fact, because the feelings are so widespread, societies invented this taboo to insure the continuance of the species. (If family members slept together, there would be great infighting, which would ultimately lead to the destruction of civilization. ) So, the incest taboo was invented, not for moralistic reasons, but rather to insure the survival of humankind.So, what am I telling you? The thoughts, fantasies and feelings you are experiencing are normal. So long as you are you clear on the difference between thoughts, feelings and actions (that is, you know that you can’t actually sleep with your mother) then you are fine. As for masturbating while thinking about her, this can be considered an extension of your own thoughts and fantasies. It is a private act, not an act of incest with your mother. Do you see the difference? I think your biggest problem isn’t that you have normal sexual feelings, it’s that you are ravaged with guilt over your feelings. I am concerned that your guilt is consuming you. If you can’t make peace with your thoughts and feelings, then you might want to talk with a therapist.On a related note, if your desires (or your guilt feelings) interfere with your every day life (you can’t work or can’t form a relationship with another woman), then it would be good to talk with someone. I commend your honesty. Many people will breathe a sigh of relief thanks to your letter.