It’s been 2 weeks since I wrote a letter telling a man how I felt about him. I told him that I cared about him, but I cannot let my feelings get 2 involved because I know that he has begun to see another woman; he was not in the beginning. I told him that I was upset because I thought that we were working toward something special.I thought that we were damn near in a relationship! But when I observed his actions, I soon realized that things are not what they seem. I’d told him so much about my personal life. I felt that he understood what I was going though and was able to look past that. He accepted what I told him about myself, and he still treated me with respect.He offered for me to move in with him. We were seeing each other on a daily basis, and we’ve been intimate for a while now. But now he’s lying to me about another woman.My question: why would he go so far into trying to make me feel wanted and cared for? And even offer for me to live with him just to mess it up?I’m confused. Did he notice some things about me that he didn’t notice in the beginning? But I refuse to believe that he would offer to share his living space with someone that he had bad intentions for all along.And please note, this other girl that he’s talking 2 is married with a child, and she is NOT ATTRACTIVE. I have to be blunt. Me on the other hand, no kids, single, in school, independent, attractive young lady.He still calls me to spend time, but it’s me saying no! I’m not willing to share him.
You asked me to explain this man’s behavior to you. Before I do, I have to tell you that I felt so sad for you when you wondered if he started seeing someone else because he discovered things about you that he didn’t like.My goodness. It’s obvious that you are a wonderful woman. Your only flaw is that your self-esteem isn’t as high as it should be!As for him, this guy suffers from a severe fear of intimacy. He obviously likes you, but I am sure that he is scared to death of his feelings for you.Seeing another woman is his way of creating distance from you. He doesn’t want to give you up, but at the same time he doesn’t want to get too close.His fear of intimacy is actually caused by an even deeper fear of abandonment and/or rejection. These fears are caused by emotional injury during childhood when one or both of his parents probably abandoned or rejected him.I’m afraid that your guy isn’t aware of the underlying and probably unconscious emotional factors that cause his distancing behavior. His distancing behavior serves to keep these terrible fears at bay, but where does that leave you? You get two-timed.If I were you, I would tell him exactly what I told you about his fears. Then see if he takes the bait and is interested in working on his issues. If he is, have him do his Personality Profile, which will identify that exact nature of his early wounds and give him step-by-step instructions on how to heal them.If he isn’t willing to work on himself, then you will have two choices: either accept him as he is and that means accept that you’ll be sharing this man forever; or move on. The way you began your letter to me tells me that you’ve already made your decision.You said, you’re not willing to share. Good for you. Coming from this position of power means that you have a great deal of leverage with him. Now use this leverage to tell him that HE has two choices: either he face his problem and work on it or he loses you.Let me know what happens.
