Dear Dr. Love,I’m 22 yrs of age. My problem is about my past love during college life. I had a best female friend named Janeth. I fell in love with her, but I couldn’t tell her frankly because I was afraid that she would feel angry with me. But eventually I decided to tell her about my feelings. Sadly, it was too late because she now has a new bf.Now I regret that I never told her about my feelings for her. Now other friends tell me, that my best friend had told them that she was waiting for me to propose because she also had feelings for me.Now, Dr. what can I do. My best friend told me to find someone who’s better than her. But I love her so much. Now I suffer the consequences of my fear and I’m alone and desperate. What can I do? I can’t live without her.My life is will be miserable without her. Dr. Love I await your advice. Please me. I have found myself many times in a situation when I was afraid of being rejected by the other person I like that I didn’t even try to talk to her. Who knows how many opportunities I have missed. Thanks
What a sad story.I think you must tell this person that you love exactly what you told me. It sounds like both of you have little self-confidence. When she says find someone better than she, she’s telling you that she didn’t and doesn’t feel worthy of you.Meanwhile, you didn’t feel worthy enough to stick your neck out with her. Tell her how you adore her. Tell her how your life is empty without her. Tell her that there is no one better for you than she. Tell her that you know that you are right for her as well. Tell her that you want her to come back to you.You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by going all out and baring your heart and soul. You have already broken the ice. She already knows how you feel; at this point all you are doing is fighting for the woman you love. Meanwhile, you would benefit by finding out why you are so afraid to say that you care.It sounds as though you don’t feel too lovable. You also said that you were afraid that she would have felt angry to discover your love. Why? You need to figure out who was angry with you when you expressed love as a child. You must have had the feeling that your mother was annoyed by approaches.Perhaps your mother couldn’t handle the demands that you placed on her. If your own mom was abandoned and neglected, then it would make sense that she would have felt burdened and put upon by your requests for closeness. She was empty and had nothing to give. Perhaps your mom was also purging her pain by giving you an emotional demonstration of the neglect she suffered.You need to figure out the origin of your fear to reach out. Then, feel all the hurt, sadness and anger over your early loss. Finally, realize that the lack of response wasn’t due to your being unlovable. This is vital for you to realize. All neglected and abused children think that they are unlovable and undeserving, and, as you can see, this is the formula for a low self-esteem. You must make this mental shift so that you realize you were lovable; your mom just couldn’t give because of her own problems.When your self-esteem is better, you will feel more worthy of love and braver to let the other person know how you feel. This will give you the fortitude to fight to win your best friend. If, God forbid, it wasn’t meant to be with her, then you will find it easier to approach the next person you find attractive. Let me know what happens! I’m rooting for you.<