Hello,it gives me great pleasure to write to you. I want to know your opinion. I knew a guy through the net and he’s from another country. In the beginning, he used to call me daily, but after a while he stopped calling me. A few times I sent him SMS but he didn’t answer back.I thought he was mad at me or something, but on the contrary he said he was so busy. Also he promised to visit my country but instead of this he visited other countries! After about 3 months he stopped calling me though I’m always calling him. I don’t call him he asks me to.I sent him an email telling him it’s over. He didn’t even answer. After couple of weeks, I saw him online and he said he had very big problems with his family and job and he left his country and now he’s living in syria.I forgave him then he begged me to call him. So I called him twice and he said he’ll call me. But he didn’t and he knew I was in a resort and knew I was going to be back home. He also didn’t ask and didn’t call, even he didn’t leave me an offline message. Just a few days later he gave me a missed on the mobile.At that time I said he’s just playing with my heart so I said I won’t talk to him again. But yesterday he left me message telling me he’s missing me too much and he’s waiting for me.Then he said he’s sorry he didn’t call coz in Syria there is NO international calls! Then he asked me to check up on him me with a little message or anything. Then he added that I’m the only one who is left for him and there is no one beside him, just me.PLEASE HELP
Wow, I broke a sweat and felt exhausted just reading your letter. You sure are getting a workout with this man. I’m not surprised that he has nobody left for him. He’s seems to be a taker who sucks people dry.The entire relationship revolves around your doing all the work. Even if it’s true that he can’t make international calls, he could still reach out to and make a greater effort than he does.In addition, I notice that the only time he seems to really reach out to you is when he’s afraid of losing you for good. Then he’s frantic and loving and begging you to not leave him. Each time he behaves this way, I think you believe that he does care, and this causes you to reinvest in him, and in no time the pattern of your giving everything and his taking starts all over again.I’m not very hopeful for this relationship because it’s clear to me that this man is recreating a pattern that I believe he experienced very early in life. I think that he had a parent who was close to him and attentive and then afterwards disappeared. Clearly he was traumatized early in life and his unconscious mind is driving him to repeat the pattern over and over again with you.I would tell him exactly what you see happening. Describe the scenario that I described above (he is distant, unresponsive, doesn’t keep his word and without realizing it forcing you to pursue and chase him, which you do for a while. Then you get fed up with doing all the work and threaten to end it. Then he becomes panicked, begs you not to leave, throws a few crumbs by coming a bit closer to you. Then you respond by coming closer to him, he withdraws and the pattern starts all over again.Ask him if he’s interested in discovering why he’s setting up this scenario with you. What wound is he replaying from his early life? If he’s interested in finding out, then have him do my Personality Profile (Create an Action Plan and the Personality Profile will be one of consultations that is included in the Action Plan). It will show him the wound and guide him to heal it. Unless he does this work, you will always be doing this dance with him.As for you, you should also do my Personality Profile and find out why you are so attracted to a man who doesn’t give back to you.You have your own childhood wound that you’re playing out. I suspect you are trying to win the love of a distant, unavailable parent. Unless you heal this wound, you won’t be able to let him go. Even if you do, you will be forever drawn to men who are similar to him.
