First I’m going to apologize for my bad grammar English is not my first language. So my ex and I dated for 2 years and after a miscarriage, we struggled and broke up she was drinking all the time and I was very depressed and wasn’t doing anything with my life we talked and hung out a lot for two months after the breakup and she became very distant I told her I wanted to go no contact and she agreed it was for the best but said she wanted to try again one day because I was the love of her life so we went no contact and I saw someone else and so did she almost right after the no contact started she swears she didn’t have sex with him (I believe her because she had some really bad problems with an IUD) but I had sex once with my fling. recently about 3 weeks ago she had called me crying drunk saying how much she missed me and how she will always love me after a month of no contact but she said she needed to figure some stuff out and she’ll call me again soon so about 2 weeks ago she called me and met for coffee and she told me there’s nobody like me and that she wants to slowly work for a relationship again I agreed so we talk all the time now I come over 4 times a week and we have lots of fun (No sex other than one time we got drunk and had morning sex) but I do sleep in her bed and hold her we call on the phone almost every night but she still talks to the person she had a relationship with. I’m moving into an apartment later this month and she said she wants to move in with me sometimes and other times she says she’s very avoidant of me saying anything about it I didn’t invite her to move in either she has just on multiple times said when I move in with you we’re going to do this and that I didn’t tell her I want her too or anything (i do though) I did tell her tonight that I’m scared to get attached to her again and she was like well I understand that she also got fully naked and took a bath in front of me and she told me to stay in the bathroom with her but last night she told me that she loves me so much. I want to get back together with her but I just don’t know what all this means or the signs she is giving me I just don’t know the next steps to take!! Advice?
Talk about being conflicted! She sends such mixed signals. No wonder you are frightened to jump back in with her.
Why on Earth would the relationship work better this time than it did the last time. There is so much chaos going on. Living together will only intensify that chaos.
Yes, she loves you and you love her, but neither of you is ready for a relationship!
It sounds like the drinking began after the miscarriage. She is using alcohol to numb her pain. At this point, we don’t know whether you’re speaking with her or the alcohol. Does she realize that alcohol is a problem for her? Does she want to quit? Does she want help?
Before you can even consider resuming the live-in relationship, she needs to stop using alcohol as a drug (ideally go to AA meetings) and begin to face her pain. She really would benefit from therapy.
Have you both actually talked and grieved together over the loss of your baby?
What would happen if you set some parameters with her? That you want her but you want both of you to get some healing under your belts before you move back in together. You can tell her what I said.
Let’s see whether she wakes up to the truth or not.
If not, then you don’t have a working partner. In which case, you can’t move back in, not unless you want to go through another bloody break-up, which would be inevitable.